I often hear people ask, "Why am I always thinking negative thoughts?" or, "Why do bad things keep happening to me? When it rains it pours?"
As with everything there is to the nature of life, there is also a flip side to any situation and or thought.
These days I say "I am so happy that I always think positive thoughts. The better it gets the better it gets. I am so in love with life."
Fifteen years ago when my life was falling apart around me, right after my ex put our custom built home on the market and told me that my children and I had to find another place to live, I was practically lifeless. Years of anxiety rooted in negative and dysfunctional thinking had taken its toll. My marriage was over, and my ex husband was viciously passive aggressive about it. I was young, and ill prepared for his covert emotional violence.
Rewinding back to when I was a young child, at the tender age of twelve I contemplated committing suicide. The victim of incessant bullying at school and even at home I was tired, depleted and simply needed the pain to stop--even for just a day. Luckily I did not pull the trigger that afternoon. Flashes of how my suicide would effect my younger sister and brother coaxed me into putting the gun back where I found it.
That fateful day I made a decision to live, no matter what. I promised myself that one day things would get better, and eventually I would be an adult and in charge of my life. As the real estate agent walked past my children and I the day my ex put our house on the market--I did not feel like I had any control over my adult life at all.
Reaching out for help was a critical step for me. Crippled by codependency, my incentive for therapy wasn't even for me. I went because I knew I needed to get my head straight so I could help my three small children cope with what was happening around them.
Fast forward about ten years after my divorce, and just as my two older children are learning to drive, and my youngest is in middle school, life by that time had begun to slow down and become much more fluid.
As my children aged I found that I had free time I had never had before. In quite moments I learned to meditate, to read ferociously and to write. When I discovered that many of my root problems were related to be an untrained empath, and that all of my enabling, care-taking and alike was due to being raised by adult children of alcoholics who were codependent, all the nuances of my life, including the negative ones began to make sense. I now understood that in my being incredibly in tune with what others were feeling, had sadly helped me stay unaware of my own feelings.
A tremendous part of my emotional recovery has been to learn how to set personal boundaries--but to also understand that what we think about--and what we feel on a vibrational level is what we are attracting into our lives.
Because my focus was on how others were feeling, I was inundated with emotional overload about what other people needed, thought and cared about. I had spent an entire life more in touch with others feelings than with my own.
Understanding the law of attraction, emotional set points, and vibrational points of focus helped me turn my negative thinking into positive set points. These days I am joyfully remarried, and live an abundant, contented life.
No more drama for this chic.
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