I remember the moment I realized that for my entire life I had been living a lie. Like all humans who had been born into a sleep state consciousness, it was over three decades before I would begin to understand just how big a lie I had been living.
Deep within the recesses of my mind stirred darkness. This darkness had voices and inside my mind, I often felt or heard, 'You are not enough. You are no good. You are unworthy. Nothing works out for you. You are not beautiful. You are not intelligent. You are not wise. You were not born for greatness. You were born to merely survive. You do not deserve happiness. You are not worthy of love.'
I heard these words when I looked into the mirror, or when I noticed disappointment in the eyes of my parents. I felt the emotions of these words whenever my ex-husband would roll his pointer finger towards his right temple as he uttered the words, "You're whacky!" The people in my life mirrored the beliefs I held about myself, and although it was not my fault I had been programmed to believe I was not enough, the universe did not seem to care. Everywhere I turned I saw what I felt.
I was driving down a road one day when I noticed a mammoth tree. At the time, I was spending a lot of time alone and working on my spiritual and emotional recovery. The people I trusted could not answer my questions. The parents I loved seemed further below the veil of consciousness than I was. The therapist I had at the time seemed baffled by the questions I asked and not one of my friends seemed to understand the existential crisis I was experiencing. I had questions like, 'Why am I here?' 'What the hell is the meaning of life anyway?' 'Why is there so much pain in the world?' 'Why do some people seem to be so happy, but no matter what I achieve I feel like shit?'
'When the student is ready the teacher appears.'
I had no clue at the time, that my existential crisis had opened me up to truths that were once hidden to me. It was my breakdown that was leading to my many breakthroughs and it was NOT UNTIL I began bending my knee in humility, that the answers I was seeking would come.
While I was in a state of reactivity, the answers could not find their way to me. How could they? My mind was not in receptivity mode and instead was simply running in loops of reactivity. I now understand the difference between these two very distinct states of being.
Looking up at the tree, it hit me. All at once I came to the realization that I was as divine, glorious, worthy, beautiful, and valid as that tree. The tree did not question its right to reach towards the sun and grow its roots or ascend its branches into the sky. The tree did not question its right to claim the rays of the sun or to desire water to nourish its roots. Nor did the tree worry itself over wishing to be a sunflower. NO! This tree was magnificent because it knew how to be.
My parents lied. My parents taught me to believe in separateness, in fear, in lack, and in the idea that life was meant to be difficult. My father wholeheartedly believed I would never make it on my own and essentially called me a fool for wanting to divorce my ex-husband. The silent treatment my mother often used against me, let me know she thought I was wrong and also foolish for daring to want to end my painful marriage. One friend told me that my mother told her I was 'just selfish'. For as long as I could remember, my parents had conditioned me to believe that what I felt, thought, believed, needed, and wanted was invalid.
Growing up, my parents often guilted my brother, sister and I for wanting anything. As children, my parents routinely compared us to one another, called us names, belittled us, and found humor in humiliating us in front of others. My father ruled our home through fear and intimidation. My mother feared our father and lived to please him. Both my mother and father ridiculed people who were successful and often complained about not having enough money. My father gambled daily, while my mother prayed for his soul.
Driving along that road, and having the revelation of my own worth envelope me like a protective mother's hug, heavy tears began to rush from my eyes. For over thirty years, I had carried the dark energy of nonsensical bullshit with me like a wet, heavy fur coat. Every breath I took, every thought I thought, every need I had, every belief I wondered about, all traveled through a jagged lens that was created by my parent's unconsciousness. No thought I had was not tainted by a lie.
As you have probably heard me say many, many times, I am NOT a religious person. However, I do appreciate ancient wisdom and I am open to discovering wisdom anywhere, even if that wisdom might be found in a rock. I simply do not care about where wisdom comes. Having been so deprived of wisdom my entire life, I now crave it like air.
On my quest to understand life, my study of quantum mechanics helped me comprehend the idea that all that is is energy and all that is is also LIGHT. This idea helped me fully realize that at my core I, you, and all that is is LIGHT energy. However, when you add consciousness to the equation, coupled with how the human personality develops a sense of self, it is not hard to understand why so many humans are suffering today.
When you are born to people who believe in fear, you are programmed to also live in fear. When you are born to people who believe in separation, you are brainwashed to live life through the Sleeping and Reactive Ego. When you are conditioned by religion to believe one religion is true or greater than another, you are conditioned to live in a state of unconscious self-righteousness. When as a child you are treated with indifference, aloofness, discontentment, and the very essence of who you are is treated with a sense of irrelevance, the template that carries the energy of your beliefs is corrupted by mistruths.
There can be no peace in the mind, body or spirit of the person that believes they are better than someone else or believes themselves less than someone else.
In the Gospel of Thomas, vs 48 it reads, "If the two make peace together in the one house, they will say 'move to the mountain' and it shall move."
For those of you who are open to what wisdom may be found in such a verse, I ask you to consider what happens to a human when their mind and heart are wrought with dissonance? What happens when we wish for love and yet feel unworthy of love? What happens in the human body when we think we are doing all the just things, (the things we have been conditioned to believe we should do) and yet, what we desire never arrives? What happens when we falsely believe we can control what we cannot control?
When we think we are unworthy, we feel unworthy. When thought and feeling marry and become one, what we experience in the outer world is a mirror to our beliefs about the self. If I feel poor, how can I ever become wealthy? If I feel and believe I am unworthy of love, how can I ever manifest the relationship I desire? If I believe I am not a good parent, how can I ever act like a good parent? If I believe I am old, how can I ever feel vibrant?
Back in 200 AD, there probably weren't a whole lot of people who understood how electrons are impacted by beliefs and emotions. Let's face it, understanding that thought energy is, in fact, the very 'stuff' that makes up the 3D material world is not the easiest thing to grasp, not even in 2019. What we absolutely know to be true is that thoughts impact physiology, thus chemistry, thus our electromagnetic field.
If you know what someone thinks and believes you can pretty much predict their future. This is because what people think about most of the time is what they participate in. What we believe and think about most of the time creates habits and habits create life experiences. If I am in the habit of thinking I am successful, I will ACT, and FEEL successful. I will take actions in the 3D world that mirror the habit of thinking I am successful. If I am in the habit of worrying that something might go wrong, I am not in alignment with peace, and so I can expect that things will continue to go wrong in my life. Rather than see opportunities to grow, I will instead see threats.
When thoughts and emotions, become ONE self-image which aligns my energetic frequencies with my ideas of success, I will move about in the 3D world acting and feeling successful. As I move more consciously into seeing myself as successful and WORTHY of that success, I say to the mountain or obstacle, 'MOVE' and before long, I will have somehow found a way through or around such obstacle. If on the other hand, I do not BELIEVE I am worthy, I shall never find the strength or confidence to suggest the mountain MOVE the hell out of my damn way! Instead, I will accept this mountain as my fate, although the power to believe in a different outcome has been hidden within me all along.
Just for today, I would like you to IMAGINE something unlike you've ever imagined before. Imagine that you are worthy, that you are enough, that you are as worthy as any star in the sky and any planet in any galaxy. Imagine in your mind's eye you look, feel, and live the life you truly desire.
If you wish to be thin, lean, and healthy, IMAGINE you are. Look into the mirror and tell yourself 'You are beautiful, you are enough, and you grow stronger and leaner every day!' Throughout your day, eat and act as you would IF you are as you desire yourself to be. Do not wait! Develop these habits and beliefs right here and right now.
If you wish for wealth, IMAGINE your finances reflect the wealth you desire. Look about your home, and IMAGINE your home reflects the items you desire. Repeat to yourself, 'I am worthy of great health and wealth. I am as worthy as any other. Wealth is my birthright and what I desire to fulfill my destiny which is joy, is delivered to me more each day.'
How would you FEEL if your mindset was an abundant one? How would you feel if your eyes fell upon lovely things? Do not wait for the things you desire to manifest. MANIFEST the physiological experience of what you desire right here and right now.
If you wish to be more productive, IMAGINE what your office, home, or finances might look like IF you were more productive. Then, ACT as if you were living in the reality you desire. Does your home need to be more organized? Then ACT in accordance with your wish and get busy organizing your home. Do you wish for your finances to be more organized? Yep, get busy with that budget and stick to it.
When I think back to the innumerable times I believed in something and it manifested, good or bad, I am humbled by the power of words spoken or unspoken. If you believe you are unworthy, and your life reflects this, just for a moment imagine what might happen if you could act as if this were not true! Imagine acting as if you KNEW with every ounce of your being YOU WERE ENOUGH! Imagine going to the grocery store or in an interview, repeating to yourself, 'I AM ENOUGH. I AM WORTHY OF ALL GOOD THINGS! I AM AS WORTHY AS A TREE. I CAN FEEL AS IF I LOVE MYSELF RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW. THIS FEELS GOOD."
Imagine the physiological changes that would take place if you could ACT AS IF!
Imagine the energetic vibe you would give off if you could ACT AS IF!
Look, it took me YEARS to learn how to reprogram my mind and to get crystal clear about the power of my intention, words actions as well as inactions. All I hope to do is raise human awareness about how magnificent all human beings really are.
IMHO, we ALL come from the same source and we shall all return to the same source as well. We are all the same and we all deserve abundance, peace, happiness, joy, and contentment. But, if your subconscious mind has been tainted by a bunch of CRAP, only YOU can change that!
I hope what you have read has inspired you to believe you CAN!
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