Dec 27, 2020

It's Not You -- It's Your Subconscious Paradigm

by Lisa A. Romano

#consciousness 12 week breakthrough coaching program awakening codependency programming

What You See Outside of You Has Been Programmed Inside of You

Look at this picture. What do you see? Most of us would say that we see a mirrored reflection of the buildings showing up on the water. 


I always found reflections fascinating. It is said that Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection after pushing Echo away. Echo loved Narcissus, or so she believed. Echo spent the rest of her life lonely until nothing remained of her but her echo. Sadly, this relationship mirrors many codependents who seek the approval and validation of charismatic, and often beautiful narcissists, who can only love themselves.

The Death of Narcissus

The Greek Myth reveals that Nemesis decides that Narcissus' cold behavior towards Echo cannot go without punishment. 

The classic version by Ovid, of Narcissus and Echo, suggests that Nemesis lured Narcissus to a pool where he fell in love with his own image. Narcissus withered there, with tremendous passion stuck inside of him unable to offer it to another human being and therefore, denied the beauty of having passion returned.  Narcissus died at the side of the pool where gold and white flowers eventually bloomed. 

Root Causes of Narcissism

Today's modern understanding of the root causes of narcissism reveals a number of different possibilities, including childhood trauma and over praise of a child by a parent. Either way, narcissism can be viewed as a reflection of someone's past, much like the mirror image above. 

When You Don't Believe You Are Enough

Childhoods become our first mirror. If our homes are dysfunctional, we absorbed these dynamics and they became a reflection within our minds viewed from a state of unconsciousness. We did not know we were not aware and viewing reflections. We simply believed what we saw was true. 

As healing adults, we must always remember that our parent's dysfunction is a reflection of their childhoods and so on, and so on. 

If my childhood home was chaotic, controlling, rigid, and demanding, and I felt unloved, these experiences have been recorded within my mind.  In time, as I become an adult, what has been downloaded will become reflected upon the 3D matrix. The air is full of tiny water molecules all capable of revealing our inner reflections, no different than when the sun sits just in the right position to reveal a rainbow. The key to understanding this is to view your past and the NOW more objectively. This of course takes time and practice. 

It's Not Your Fault

Each of us has been impacted by our childhood experiences, good and bad. The unhealthier our parents, the darker our concepts of self, and sadly, so too are the dynamics we find ourselves in as adults.  It's not your fault if you struggle with codependency, low self-worth, and often find yourself catering to the needs of others. These behaviors are but mirrored reflections of what you experienced as a child. 

Don't Fear It -- Change It

Narcissus' did not move. He stayed put. He did not face the conflicts within and so he withered away and died. Had he awakened to understand reflections were not fixed, and that at any time he could have altered what he saw if he changed his self-perception, perhaps he could have known the blessings of authentic love, peace, and harmony. 

Change What You Believe

We have been sold a bunch of crap. We have all been conditioned to fixate on what is happening outside of us rather than what is happening inside of us. Like Narcissus, many of us stay fixated upon the 3D images that are taking place on the screen of the Matrix and rarely close our eyes long enough to change what we are projecting upon that screen. 

Researches suggest that narcissists are generally terminal. They don't change. They keep looking into that pool of water and they buy into their delusions of grandeur, living their lives entitled while exploiting others' emotions through lies and fabrications, all to boost their own level of self-importance. 

Had Narcissus humbled himself to look away and face his self-centeredness, he would have had the chance to break free from the reflection. This breakthrough would have allowed him to share his love with another and to allow another to love him in return.  

See Love on The Inside

If you have felt unloved, chances are that is all you see now outside of you. You most likely do not have loving friendships or healthy relationships. This is NOT your fault. 

What Happens to Us Becomes a Pattern

When children feel unloved, their self-image is poor. In the 3D world, this is reflected in how we relate to others. We are often codependent, resentful, fearful, and tend to end up in relationships with toxic partners. 

Our relationships are reflections of childhood patterns. 

If your mother catered to a narcissistic man, you were taught to acquiesce, shut up, pretend, and not rock the boat. The dysfunctional marriage you are in today is a reflection of some recorded mirror experience from childhood. 

This is not your fault. This is just how the universe works.


The good news is, you are not Narcissus and you CAN change your internal dialogue and create NEW programs that will in time reflect upon the 3D screen known as the Matrix.

Is it easy?

Heck NO!

In fact, it will take you everything you've got to create a new image of yourself but if you commit yourself to this personal development work, someday your life will reflect nothing but LOVE of self. 

You deserve love, peace, happiness, abundance, harmony, contentment, and joy! 

The Goal

Make turning away from what you wish to NO longer be a part of your reality a thing! 

The more you beat the drum of the thing you dislike, the more you drum that thing into your reality. 

I learned this the moment I stopped going back at my ex for sending me abusive text messages. I realized that keeping that energy alive was keeping him tied to my 3D reality. Letting go was a much-needed lesson I needed to learn.

Today, letting go is my mantra! When I let go of unwanting things, my mind is free to conjure up images of things and experiences I desire. 

If I can do this, so can you!

It is time to change the mirrors on the inside, all those tiny little neurons that carry information from your past. 


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 Thank you

Thank you all for being committed to healing the past, finding your light, and letting it shine. My hope is that one day, the world we live in will reflect love, sweet love everywhere we look. A tall order I know, but a girl can dream can't she?

Life is what dreams are made up after all. 

Dream well, humanity depends on it!

Lisa A. Romano is a Certified Life Coach, bestselling author, and YouTube Vlogger specializing in codependency and narcissistic abuse recovery. She is also one of the most listened to meditation teachers on the world’s largest meditation app Insight Timer.  Lisa creates real-life tools to help people evolve past their traumas so they can live in peace, achieve success, and create harmony in their lives regardless of painful past events. Her 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program has helped thousands of people learn to regulate their emotions, heal from painful pasts, including negative self-talk, and limiting beliefs. Adult children of alcoholics and those raised by narcissistic parents are learning to find their way back to the love they were denied as children through Lisa’s transformational work.
To learn more about working with Lisa, visit
Lisa's work helps awaken people to the idea that what is wrong is not them, it is only their programming. Her 12 Week Breakthrough Healing Coaching Program takes members through three months of reprogramming. Lisa creates supportive, nurturing communities and then offers members access to healing resources like training videos and self-hypnosis meditations, along with weekly group calls and access to her and her team.
Psychologists, neuroscientists, as well as therapists,  have participated in her online programs and hail Lisa's approach to healing the reactive mind as groundbreaking. Her programs are the blueprints she used to help heal her own life. Graduates of The 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program are able to advance their personal development training by participating in Lisa's Master Class. To learn more about Lisa's online programs, books, and meditations you can visit