How Metacognition Turns Childhood Hyper-Awareness into Your Greatest Superpower

 It is my dad's birthday today, and while in deep meditation this morning, simply sitting with my noise-canceling headphones on, my aging pup Alice by my side, eyes closed, bringing full awareness to my breath, noticing thoughts arise in the field of consciousness, and not attaching to them, I had a vision of my dad come to mind.

In my mind's eye, he was the younger dad I once knew: lean, strong, in a white tank top, what we used to call his guinea-t-shirt, wearing blue jeans and his shiny black work shoes. He had a cocky smile on his face, his classic, standard expression that seemed to exude Don't f**k with me, half joking and half not sort of a look.

My dad wasn't someone committed to self-awareness in the sense that what he learned about himself helped him relate better to others. Rather, he was committed to controlling the people, dynamics, emotions, and experiences around him.

Here is a snapshot of what it was like to be his daughter:

• If you challenged my father, he discouraged you from thinking for yourself. This was achieved through humiliation and criticism, and by withdrawing affection.
• It was not safe to express your views freely because you understood that doing so would result in punishment.
• My siblings and I were not safe to express likes or dislikes. If we dared to speak a preference, we were shamed and labeled either selfish or ungrateful.
• Dad made no genuine effort to know his children, and any superficial concern centered on gathering intel he would use to control our perceptions, behavior, and emotions. The real us was never explored.
• As his child, you did not feel genuinely loved for who you were; although less overtly abusive than my mom, in his presence you got the sense that any affection hinged on you attuning to his needs, while denying, swallowing, and belittling your own.

I could go on and on with this list, but I am fairly certain you are getting a snapshot of what it must have been like to be his daughter.

Why share this with you today on his birthday?

Because at 61 years old, and after nearly three decades of hardcore recovery work, I have made peace with my past, with my dad, and can now see the patterns of trauma that have plagued my family for generations.

But that peace came at a price my body, mind, soul, inner child, nervous system, ego, children, relationships, and physical health had to pay.

I am reminded of the saying, 'As it is below, so shall it be above,' and the Biblical teaching that states, 'The sins of the father and mother fall on their offspring,'and the lesson that states, 'What is contained in the macro is contained in the micro.'

What the hell am I getting at today?

Dear One, it could have been no other way that I, as my dad's daughter, hated myself as a child, felt unworthy and unfit for life, or that I developed an eating disorder, struggled with shame, and eventually became a codependent person, living a life completely externally focused, attracting emotionally unavailable partners, that I believed I needed to prove I was worthy enough to keep around.

And please, don't cry for me, Argentina...because living in a home that wedged my inner child between covert and overt emotionally neglectful and abusive parentstaught me how to think in ways that I never would have been able to if my reality was not constantly questioned.

Throughout my entire childhood, I developed a deep need to understand people, their words, actions, emotions, and intentions. And this was because the sand beneath my feet was always shifting. Wondering why people behaved as they did somehow grounded me, even when my world was littered with incongruence and the sense that not one adult in my life knew what they were doing.

And even during my toxic marriage, I still lived with the need to understand, to make sense, and to analyze, in the hopes of finding a way to make my life work. I was developing a mental skill I would one day use on myself, and that skill would transform my life.

This skill began to work in my favor once I was diagnosed with codependency. In a flash, I was suddenly studying the incongruencies within my own mind...

• Where was I waiting to be seen by others to feel worthy of love?
• Where was I not accepting my emotions and trying to control outcomes?
• Where was I saying I was being loving, but I was being controlling instead?
• Where was I wanting to feel self-confident but giving my sense of self over to another mere mortal?

And just as I had always believed as a child, that if I could see the pattern, if I could find a solution, I would be free...I would make it through the dark forest... and one day, my life would make sense.

Finally, I could see it: the flaws in my thinking, rationalizing, reacting, reasoning, and being...

I was above the veil, not operating from beneath it.

Now that I could see the patterns in me, I was no longer operating from the patterns.

My commitment to staying aware had prepared me for the deep-dive codependency recovery and inner child healing required.

Now I could see why my self-esteem was so low. From this new psychological vantage point, I could see that my self-esteem relied entirely on how well I could please others, and once I saw that, I made an about-face and decided to take my power back.

But hold on...There is something here I don't want you to miss...

Being raised in a home ruled by unhealed adult children of alcoholics forced a commitment to a will to understand what the hell was going on around me.

Stick with me, Dear One.

The beginning of self-esteem, the start of taking back your power, begins with learning to assert your higher thinking mind, the part of your mind built to make sense of what is happening around you.

Because my childhood was so confusing and dismissive, and I never knew when the next criticism, blow-up, or mood shift would happen, I had to be someone who noticed, stayed aware, and tracked every incongruency in my environment to survive.

For years, I directed that hyper-awareness outward. But the moment I turned that exact same power of observation inward toward my own conditioning, everything shifted.

That single pivot is what it means to live Above the Veil.

It is the moment of awakening, which is Step One in the 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program.

I want you to hear this loud and clear today: the very skill you developed to track patterns, moods, and incongruencies in others is not a flaw. Coupled with metacognitive practices, that same ability becomes your greatest superpower. It becomes the key to observing your own subconscious programming, dismantling self-doubt, and stepping into true emotional freedom.

You do not need to invent a new skill. You need to point your awareness in a new direction.

If you are ready to master this shift and learn how to use your observer mind to break free from codependency, low self-worth, and self-abandonment, I invite you to join me for our final live Zoom session promoting the Master Class on Tuesday, October 6th.

Reserve Your Spot

This will be our last live gathering for this series, and I would love to see you there.

Additionally, if you feel called to take this work deeper right now, I am offering a private, exclusive discount code to apply toward the 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program.

This is not a public offer and is not available on my website or social media. It is reserved exclusively for those actively working with my resources to improve the quality of their thinking and reasoning, so they can break free from codependency, low self-worth, and self-abandonment.

If you'd like to receive this special discount code and begin Level One of the Above the Veil Method, reply directly to this email and let me know you are ready.

Thank you for allowing me to share my heart, my dad, and my journey with you today.

Keep noticing. Keep observing. 
If the child is in the adult, the adult is within the child. If the problem is within us, then the answer lies within us, too.

If this resonates and you want to come into Level One, send me an email at coach@lisaaromano.com and say, I AM READY—GIVE ME THE CODE.

From my heart,

Lisa