Lisa A. Romano has been ranked the #1 most influential person online READ MORE

Denied Love

Denied Love Does Not Make You Unlovable

 
"It's all in your mind."
 
You've heard that been said before and it's true.
 
Our identity is a mix of what we learned about the world, the meanings we attached to those experiences, as well as the emotions that naturally surfaced during particular instances, and the memories that were consolidated over time.
 
If you learned life was unpredictable, abuse was the norm, love was not a given, and that your body, mind, soul, heart, tears, cries, needs, wants and space were irrelevant, you may not understand that those experiences shaped your IDENTITY.
 
Not feeling worthy, good enough, seen, valued, understood, nurtured, wanted, loved, respected, appreciated are all experiences that have been stored in your memories. Over time, these memories become neurological pathways that stem from the innumerable ghostly doors that live in the subconscious mind.
 
These doors hold our boo boos; the ones that went...
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Codependency is Living in the Past

Codependency Recovery 

 
When you are codependent, your mind is living in the past. All of the survival techniques you learned as a child, keep you on the codependent -- narcissistic treadmill, unaware you are dancing with another unaware dance partner. Two wounded peas in a pod, rinse, repeat and recycle patterns from the past; patterns that were based on trauma, abuse, neglect and rooted in survival.
 
Narcissists don't always know they are narcissists. They may know they are selfish, callous, and short tempered, but they often quickly justify, and rationalize their lack of empathy for how their razor edged tongues and cold hearts impact other people. They are quick to hush guilt away and to silence the whispers of the conscience.
 
If a narcissist steps on your toes, it will be your fault, and if you are highly sensitive to abandonment, you are the one who offers the standard, "Oh I am sorry. Please forgive me." The narcissist will remain in the lead as...
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When Mothers Fail

When Mother's Fail

A child's first protector is its mother and when a mother fails to protect her child from other's abuse and in turn becomes a perpetrator, her child will suffer the greatest human tragedy. The wounds will be invisible. No one will understand the ingredients that make up the child's tears. No one will fathom the heaviness of the child's vibration, and yet, when the child cries or acts out, others will assume what is wrong is the child.

Abuse happens in bedrooms, kitchens, living rooms, and basements when the front doors are locked and the house windows are closed. Family and friends, school personnel and even authorities often dismiss the possibility of abuse, denying their own ignorance and justifying their disbelief based on a subconscious conflict. Often people dismiss abuse as a reality because THEY have not witnessed the abuse, although logical minds understand abuse happens when there are no witnesses to be found.

When mothers fail, every system of a...

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Until we face our inner wounds, we stay stuck

Wounded daughters often enmesh with their mothers and fail to acknowledge the deep painful consequences a mother’s abandonment and rejection can cause.
This inability to acknowledge the wounds within, keeps daughters codependent, enabling, rescuing, fixing, and denying the need to stop catering to dysfunctional mothers who have failed to heal themselves, or who refuse to acknowledge their own need for healing.
Every son and every daughter needs to make the psychological and emotional break, that frees them of the fear of their mother’s abandonment.
Until we face our inner wounds, we stay stuck, codependent and rescuing mothers that have failed to rescue us. This dynamic keeps us in the rescuer role, parentified, and unable to create the distance we need in order to successfully learn to love the self.
Enmeshment is where we lose ourselves to fantasies about one day finally being able to be 'good enough' for the type of mother love we always craved.
As we grow in...
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Nature vs Nurture

The older I get the more humble I become, and the more I appreciate the saying, "Youth is wasted on the young."

The decades I spent chasing, begging, reacting, and pleading to be heard, understood, respected, held, nurtured, and loved are all gone.

The only thing ANY of us have that is worth worrying about is our TIME.

Time is the ONLY thing you can NEVER get back.

It is not our fault we are born asleep.

It is not our fault our mind is dualistic and both conscious and unconscious at the same time.

It is not our fault that NURTURE is primarily responsible for what beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors drive our lives.

It is not our fault our brain is designed to RECALL and REMEMBER pain.

It is not our fault we have been raised by people who are under the organic and natural spell of the wounded ego.

BUT--if we are to PUSH humanity forward, it is our responsibility to AWAKEN to the truth and then do all we can to LIVE that truth--in spite of those who still believe in the lie.

WE ARE...

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Childhood Trauma and its Link to Chronic Illnesses and Disease

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men” - Frederick Douglass


Could the chronic illnesses that people face in their adult lives be blamed on the trauma they had to face as children? According to a study published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine titled ‘Relationship of Childhood Abuse and Household Dysfunction to Many of the Leading Causes of Death in Adults’, the answer is yes.


This study showed through scientific testing that abuse or neglect during childhood plays a big role in the development of autoimmune and other chronic diseases. This study was also important as it introduced ACE score, a measure of illnesses caused later in life by ACE (Adverse Childhood Events).


Children’s brain is still developing as they grow. If they are exposed to repeated traumatic experiences, it can weaken the development of their brain’s architecture and cause lifelong physical, mental and behavioral issues.


So if you suffer...

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Childhood Trauma and Memory Loss

Many adult survivors of traumatic abuse and experiences suffer from memory loss. Although many trauma survivors are able to remember how they felt when they were children, they do not always remember why they felt or feel the way they do today. They may feel like they were abused, but they might not remember precisely why they feel that way.

It is my belief that the more we understand our brains and how they work, the quicker we are able to heal. Not knowing 'the why' drives most human beings crazy. This is because the brain likes resolution and it seems our minds are willing to drive themselves crazy looking for answers. At times our brains will even make up stories to fit what is happening in our lives just to help us 'feel' more in control of what is happening in the now. This is why children assume they are at fault when mommy and daddy abuse them. When the child assumes responsibility for the abuse, the traumatic events make sense to the child's innocent mind. "Mommy beat me...

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