If you study narcissists near or far, one thing you learn is that they can tend to be predictable. This awareness, however, remains unknown to the victim who is being abused from all sides and from everywhere.
Narcissistic abuse is unlike a fallout with a friend who was having a bad day and said some pretty gnarly things about you in a fit of anger. Things like this happen from time to time and although they are not pleasant, the reality is we all have bad days, bad moments and can react when highly emotional. If you have a strong friendship, you and your friend will be able to talk things out. You will feel seen, understood and your friend will do all they can to never get that far out of control again. In essence, this fallout was a one time deal and the resolution was quick.
Not so when you are dealing with a narcissist whose agenda it becomes to ANNIHILATE you on all fronts. There is NO SUCH THING as a one-time event with a narcissist. It is ongoing abuse, a constant drip of passive-aggressiveness, gaslighting, insults, accusations, inuendos, criticism, hypervigilance, and trauma bonding events. Anything you know and love, including your business, children, parents, friends, acquaintances, your home, your finances, your church; literally any -- thing you touch, they must douse with their touch!
They will use triangulation and speak poorly about you to your partners. They will pretend to be your confidant all while suggesting you're not 'right' to your family. They will boast about you to your friends one minute and then find ways to insinuate 'you're off' the next, casting doubt on your mental stability, and reinforcing the notion that the narcissist cares for you. You have become their object of attention and all that you touch must be controlled, marred, and disparaged in order for the narcissist to remain balanced.
When you love a narcissist, there is no place in your life that feels safe. They have conditioned your consciousness to live in a constant state of fear.
If you can see it, you can change it, avoid it, rebuke it, and desire the opposite of it!