Love addiction and codependency are NOT about love at all
by Lisa A. Romano
Love addiction and codependency are NOT about love at all. They are about the fear of NOT feeling LOVE.
Love addiction is about compulsive thoughts and behaviors. It is about reactivity and a lack of self -control when it comes to emotions.
Many abused children grow up to become adult men and women who view love like a great tragic play, sort of like Romeo and Juliet, and yet, Romeo and Juliet were completely OUT of control, so much so they got everyone they knew wrapped up in their drama.
REAL LOVE is patient, calm, soothing, rational, fair, warm, nurturing, and kind. There is no up and down nonsense, gaslighting, compulsive behaviors, stonewalling, silent treatments, passive aggressiveness, or denial of facts.
The problem abused and ignored children have is this...the human imagination is a place that allows escape, and left to its own devices, many children believe that love must be the opposite of the supreme lack of disconnection which equals attachment and enmeshment.
Abused children become love addicted and codependent adults for a valid reason and we must be TAUGHT about boundaries, self-control, self -love, logic, reason, and the middle ground.
Today, see if you can manage an emotion rather than react to it. See if you can THINK about the way you feel rather than immediately respond or react to the way you feel.
If you find yourself in traffic, rather than curse aloud or complain, see if you can THINK about the frustration you sense rising in your body. If you mother in law calls you and offers you a passive-aggressive comment, see if you can THINK about the sensations or the thoughts that arise in you due to her comments.
Learning to shutty-shutty can be a turning point in our lives and it can help us manage our reactive thoughts and behaviors when it comes to relationship.