There are many steps one must take in order to heal the emotional wounds of our pasts. While healing is a process, it is helpful to first come into some key understandings.
Most of our wounds occurred when we were defenseless children--powerless--and under the control of others. Because we were dependent upon those who may have been violating the innocence within us--we did not feel safe. As a result our minds developed coping skills to help us survive the everyday abuses we may have experienced.
Perhaps we floated away--and disassociated ourselves from our immediate pain. We may have counted, cut, binged, purged, obsessed, ticked or sought love in places we could never have found it. It doesn't matter what survival skill we developed. What is most important is that we do not re-victimize ourselves by now judging the very miraculous survival skills that allowed us to endure the suffering we experienced as children.
A main ingredient to healing emotional abuse--is learning to inhibit the the loops of negativity that we today allow to run rampant in our minds. It is not necessary and it is quite counterproductive to judge ourselves for the survival skills we developed as the result of feeling powerless as children.
If today you are bulimic, and that behavior is linked to your need to escape the pain from within--and that need to escape is linked to the suffocating emotions you felt as a child who may have been powerless to express those feelings as a child, it is irrational and unnecessary to judge the very behavior your mind developed to help you survive the inner turmoil you felt as a defenseless child today.
Judging ourselves only hinders our ability to heal the foundational wounds we experienced long ago.
As adults, we get to defend our inner child. But in order for our inner child to truly feel safe--we must stop beating up our inner child first.
All love starts with self -love.
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