How I Healed Three Generations of Childhood Trauma Through the Power of My Mind
by Lisa A. Romano
As a child, I ached to feel loved because I did not feel loved. That is not to say my parents did not attend to my physical needs or that they deprived me of food, medical care, or an education. It means that essential emotional and spiritual milestones were not met amidst the basic necessities required to keep a child alive and physically well.
This does not mean to imply my parents were bad people. It does mean that they were immature, unaware, and ignorant of the emotional needs of a child, the type of needs that would allow for a child to form an esteemed psychological schema for their own sense of self. It implies that because basic emotional milestones were not met, my developing ego would inevitably become the perceiver of my inner world of sensory and perceptual faculties and the outer world and come to assume that the world was a dangerous, harsh, unfair, brutal place. As a result, the inner voice of my superego would forever remain on guard, hypervigilant to potential threats and the possibility of gaining some form of love or affection the little one in me craved like air.
What a daunting inner reality it is for a child whose superficial world seems so full when their inner world lacks a sense of safety or worthiness to receive the love they crave. It causes great internal conflict to crave love, yet at the same time, you feel responsible for not receiving the love you ache for. The adults in my life, including family and friends, could only see the facade and, like so many normal humans, were incapable of seeing the unseen and of wondering what might be the true cause of my frowns, inability to make friends, downward glaze, anxiousness, or emotional outbursts.
No three-year-old child should ever feel this way, yet so many of us have grown up that way, and many children feel this way today.
Breaking free from codependency meant I needed to end my neurotic preoccupation with how others felt. It meant I needed to become un-enmeshed with my mother, father, and ex-husband to the degree that the only voice in my head was mine. Without a job, and with the criticisms and judgments of immediate family members, extended family, and even in-laws on my sibling's side, I put my faith in something greater than myself and all of the judges who never once asked me why I felt the way I felt. I jumped into the field of the unknown.
Today, nearly three decades later, the teacher in me understands that one act of faith changed my entire destiny. Like inertia, when objects at rest stay at rest until acted upon by a force, my mind chose to detach from the known and cling to the unknown, which, in scientific terms, was me learning to swim in the quantum field of unlimited potential.
Had I not made the free will decision to choose myself, love, and the potential to model a healthier, non-codependent, autonomous, actualized self for my children, I would not be here today tapping away at this keyboard. Losing my life force to an unconscious life, bound to the wheel of subconscious programming, below the veil of consciousness was draining my beingness from the energy required to sustain life itself within the cells of my body. Chronic illnesses like eczema, asthma, migraine headaches, and stomach issues were signs I learned to view as signals that something was wrong.
When you decide to stop mothering, smothering, enabling, fixing, rescuing, and needing other people’s approval, you are choosing to be labeled selfish, ungrateful, negative, unappreciative, narcissistic, crazy, overemotional, irrational, and argumentative. When you begin taking control over your conscious thoughts, those you’ve encouraged to rely on you and need you in unhealthy ways notice, and they don’t like it. When you are mothering others, you are abandoning the self for the sake of others' needs, and although you will be labeled controlling, what lurks below the surface is a deep hunger to be loved and accepted as you are by those you have learned demand your complete subjugation.
What appears controlling on the surface masks the rules by which codependents have learned to live their life, such as seeking the approval of grandiose as well as vulnerable narcissists who are incapable of seeing others as autonomous, valid 3d beings worthy of their honor or respect.
Many years later, I have learned to explore any mental, emotional, or cognitive trick in the book to help me ascend the dead world of the past. Today, I would like to share a visualization exercise I have created that helps me tap into the pockets of pain within me to allow them to surface and be released into the healing energies of the ethers.
Do not fear your sorrow, Dear One. Seek it out, lance its shell, allow it to percolate within your emotional body, and through the power of your mind, observe what stirs, open your crown chakra, and allow the energies to flow through the space within each cell of every atom of your body.
My Personally Crafted Visualization Process to Help Heal Generational Trauma
I would like you to imagine your best self. Imagine where you are and what you have achieved in your life. Imagine feeling healed, free, empowered, peaceful, autonomous, individualized, and content with your current life. You have enough and no longer need a lot. You are complete unto yourself; any extras in life feel like bonuses. All that you have is enough because you know you are enough.
Now imagine your three-year-old self. Imagine what they feel. Tap into any feelings of fear, shame, loneliness, or unworthiness. Now, imagine your best self kneeling down and embracing your three-year-old self. Speak to your inner child in a way that you believe they need to be spoken to. Hold them tightly.
When you are ready, stand up with your inner child wrapped tightly in your arms and now notice the 23-year-old mother, father, or caretaker standing 10 feet in front of you who has caused the inner child within you to feel rejected and abandoned. Now, only if you feel ready, look into the eyes of your 23-year-old caretaker. What do you see? Are they alive, or do they seem empty? Do you sense love or fear? Do you sense self-doubt or confidence? Do you sense they feel worthy or unworthy?
Take a deep breath, and take two steps back. Now imagine the 23-year-old parent as a three-year-old child. What does their childhood look like? What do you notice in the eyes of your caregiver's eyes? What do you sense? What do you know?
Now, only if you feel ready, take two steps forward and look deeply into the eyes of your 23-year-old caretaker and tell them what they need to hear. What do they need to understand about their past? What do they need to understand about their future? What must they understand about this sacred relationship with your inner child? Speak to them as the sacred, holy, silent observer who has the gift of being able to pierce the veils of illusions and offer them the grace of love.
Now, encourage your 23-year-old caregiver to speak to their inner child. Imagine them kneeling and hugging their inner child, just as you are. Observe with compassion your caregiver healing their inner child. Feel this healing in your inner child's mental and emotional energy fields. Feel this quantum healing in your mind, body, brain, subconscious, and neurological system.
Now, take four steps back with your inner child and 23-year-old caregiver.
Observe now your parent’s inner child and the 23-year-old grandparent who raised your parent’s inner child.
Where are they? What year is this? What is going on in the world?
Now imagine taking four steps forward and looking deeply into the eyes of your 23 year old grandparent. What does your best and highest self notice in their eyes? What do you see lurking beyond the veil within their subconscious mind? What has happened to them throughout their life? Do you see fear or love? Do you notice hope or desperation? Do they feel supported or abandoned?
Simply observe what you observe.
If you are ready, tell your 23-year-old grandparents what they need to know. Tell them what you think they need to understand about their worthiness, about their childhood, and life.
Take four steps back now and imagine your grandparent’s inner child, about three years old. What year is it? What does the world look like? How do you think they feel? What kinds of worldly experiences do you think they have witnessed? Look deeply into the eyes of your grandparent’s inner child. What lurks below within the subconscious mind of this innocent child? What have they endured, witnessed, and been exposed to?
Now, take two steps forward and observe your 23-year-old grandparent kneeling to comfort their inner child with the wisdom you have bestowed them. Witness the softening within the eyes of your grandparent's inner child. Notice now your grandparent wrapping their arms around their inner child. Feel the generational healing within them, your parent, their inner child, and your inner child. Feel your DNA shifting into higher frequencies as negative bonds become released due to the secreting of oxytocin, the love chemical.
Step forward now, your inner child, parent, and their inner child, and form a healing circle with your grandparent and their inner child. In this circle, there are six individual energy beings and one observer. As all six energy beings join hands, your awareness steps back to observe and witness this healing circle. As you take a deep breath, all six energy beings breathe in tandem. Eyes closed, all adults in this circle radiate love to their inner child, accessing the divine sacred healing energies offered to us always by the loving Source of all Creation and Mother Earth.
Open your eyes, and know that all healing occurs in this realm of imagination. This is the causal plane of reality. Now that you have reconfigured the energies held within your imagination, you can rest assured that a reconfiguration has also occurred within you mentally, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, neurologically, physiologically, and energetically.
Now, open your eyes and know all is well.
It was never you; it was only your programming.
Congratulations on successfully beginning the process of reprogramming your imagination!
With all of my heart, I believe this visualization technique can help you break free of the chains of the past so you can learn to merge with the divine essence of your authentic self.
If you would like to work with me or if you would like to know how you can begin your sacred healing journey with my three-tired coaching process, email me and my team at [email protected]
At Lisa's Breakthrough Community, our mission is to empower and support wounded adult children who have endured the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse and have struggled to cultivate a healthy sense of self. With a deep understanding of the unique challenges faced by those raised in environments that demanded survival mode and self-abandonment, we are here to guide and facilitate their healing journey.
We aim to create a safe and nurturing space for adult children of alcoholics, those with narcissistic parents, and those who have lost themselves in toxic relationships. Through our comprehensive programs and compassionate approach, we address the deep-seated wounds of abandonment that reside within their inner child.
By offering a holistic and transformative healing experience, we aim to help our community members reclaim their authentic selves and rebuild their lives with resilience, self-love, and inner strength. Together, we strive to break free from the chains of the past and embrace a future filled with personal growth, empowerment, and genuine happiness. https://www.lisaaromano.com