Feb 24, 2021

Not everyone knows how to feel a feeling

by Lisa A. Romano

#codependency #narcissism #narcissist
Not everyone knows how to feel a feeling, label it, process it, run it through a logical filter and ask themselves, questions like, "Why do I feel this way? What can I control? What can't I control? What can I do about the way I feel? Who do I need to talk to about this?"
My favorite round of questions goes like this, "Is what I am feeling related to facts, ego, disappointment, loss, anxiety, or the fear of the unknown?"
We are ALL emotional but not all of us know how to be vulnerable enough to acknowledge our fears, concerns, anxieties, or worries, or how to express them fairly with others. Not all of us know that it is perfectly normal to feel a feeling and chew on it rather than regurgitate it or pretend the feeling doesn't exist at all.
When we are raised by emotionally avoidant others, or we marry those who have trouble accessing and sharing their emotions, it is not uncommon to feel abandoned by the people we desire to feel deeply bonded with.
Emotionally avoidant others can become frustrated by partners who insist something is wrong with their relationship. The emotionally avoidant person cannot appreciate what is missing from the relationship, because the indescribable magical and invisible something that ties a couple together is something they've never understood or known.
If you love someone who avoids their emotions, one of your major struggles will be related to how the one you love minimizes your emotional experiences and needs.
Sometimes helping someone who is in denial of their emotions understand how childhood experiences may have caused them to shut down their ability to express themselves can cause a sense of curiosity that leads to self-exploration. However, that is not always the case.
For those who have been told they had no right to feel what they felt, and that their experiences were irrelevant, unimportant, and frivolous, you may want to take a moment and remember you are a 3D being separate from the one who insists emotions don't count.
If you are interested, check out my Loving the Self App that is available now in the APP store. Download wallpapers, receive daily affirmations, journaling prompts and more...