Aug 25, 2023

Conquer the Need for External Approval

by Lisa A. Romano

codependency expert help for codependency relationship advice stop seeking external validation validation

Are you codependent and don't even know it?

Most people never question the messages, images, or thoughts that flash across their minds.

The mind is only about 5% conscious, which means that what flashes across the screen of our mind is rooted in the subconscious mind.

Dear One, to know emotional liberation, and to be assured we are living our life on our terms, we must 🛑 stop and pause to consider what this means.

Oh wait...the mind never sleeps, so pausing is not something that can occur, and you guessed it, without deliberately deciding to consciously choose to shutty-shutty your own mind.

If your mother or father ignored or abused you as a child, at the subconscious level, as your mind was developing a self-concept, when you were a small innocent Dear One, your mind may have assumed you were unworthy of love. If your parents failed to nurture you properly, through repetition, observation, and consistency, your mind, and brain became wired and programmed to assume these emotions and assumptions were facts.

Hello, low self-worth, feelings of inadequacy, the need to prove yourself to others, and constantly fending off this feeling of not being good enough.

What we think, we do become, and sadly, the world is full of humans whose conscious minds are hijacked by subconscious programming, who are projecting past traumas, and survival thoughts onto others, all outside of awareness.

Codependency is How Unhealed Wounds, and Survival Thoughts Manifest

Codependency symptoms are wide and varied. It is important to remember to avoid black-and-white thinking when trying to better understand codependency symptoms. Keep in mind that codependency is rooted in a poor sense of self and that the way codependency shows up in you or within your relationship can rely heavily on what might be going on in the moment.

Generally speaking, if you have been raised to feel invisible, unloved, and like you are not enough, chances are you will probably experience some codependency in your life.

And you will attract those who mirror your parent's energy, in an attempt to resolve unhealed childood stuff!

Symptoms of codependency include but are not limited to;

  • enabling behavior and denying how other people's actions impact your
    inability to make decisions based on what is good for you
  • detached sense of self
  • struggle with knowing who you are or what you want
  • catering to others inside relationships even when those relationships are detrimental
  • lacking poor personal boundaries
  • getting stuck in fear and having difficulty making decisions that are in your best interest
  • staying in relationships rather than leaving relationships you know are not in alignment with your true self
  • complaining, raging, and relying on passive-aggressive behavior, especially when an unspoken expectation is not met
  • difficulty speaking your personal truth, and hiding your true self instead
  • anxiety, depression, and obsession
  • people-pleasing rather than living authentically
  • some form of addiction that offers a false sense of control
  • poor communication skills, and thinking talking is actually's not...
  • caring more about what others think about you than what you think about yourself
    racing thoughts
  • obsession with gaining outside validation
  • guilting others into agreeing with you rationalizing all that you've done for them to justify your's your abandonment wound talking but you don't know that.

What Can You Do About Being Codependent?

Because codependency is not like a splinter; you cannot go to the doctor to have it removed from your finger, healing from this dis-ease of mind, body, and soul can be quite the challenge. In order to heal from codependency, it is helpful to identify why you think you might be codependent.

Why does this help?

Because codependency is rooted in the subconscious mind. No amount of reading books or watching videos is going to change your neurology, which is how thoughts play out in the field of your mind and string together your reality.

You need to look within, to observe, and to find the silence necessary for regeneration to take place.

Ask yourself questions like;

  • Why do I believe I am not good enough?
  • Who taught me to believe I am not good enough?
  • Who do I know or who do I think is codependent?
  • How has my childhood impacted my ability to love and honor myself?
  • Did I receive validation as a child?
  • Did I ever feel seen or loved as a child?
  • When I was a child, how did the adults in my life generally treat me?
  • As a child, what were the messages I received from my environment about my self-worth?

The more you understand why your subconscious mind might not believe you are worthy, the easier time you will have to break those faulty patterns of thought and behaviors.

Codependency is rooted in a deep sense of unworthiness and is associated with the need to be validated by someone else. As you heal, you will begin to learn that the only person's validation you ever needed was your own.

It's not your fault if you struggle with codependency symptoms--it's your programming.


Ready to start healing from codependency?

Download my Loving the Self Affirmation App Today.

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As a little girl, feeling rejected by my mother and father left me with an aching sense of loneliness. As a teenager, my focus shifted to boys.  Surely if I morphed myself into what they wanted, they'd love me, and be the savior to my loneliness.

And while this type of thinking is unhealthy, it's valid. It's how little boys and girls think. Unfortunately, its also why we become adults living below the veil of consciousness, unaware we are unaware, compromising ourselves, giving up on our dreams, and we keep attracting the same type of crazymaking relationships. 

Dear One, there is a better way. 

We got this. 

You are enough!

All my love, your sister on the path to emotional freedom and self mastery, one breakthrough at a time, 

Lisa A. Romano

Lisa A. Romano is a globally recognized Life Coach specializing in assisting wounded adult children to overcome the childhood emotional trauma that keeps them stuck, repeating negative, self-sabotaging patterns in their lives.   She is best known for her remarkable work in the area of adult children of alcoholic issues, codependency, and narcissistic abuse recovery. She is also one of the most listened-to meditation teachers on Insight Timer, and her YouTube Channel has over 640K subscribers. Her podcast Breakdown to Breakthrough ranks in the top 100 podcasts on mental wellness. She was voted the #1 Most Influential Person of 2020 and was recently nominated as a global leader representing the United States in mental wellness coaching by Unified Brainz Unlimited. She has also been nominated to receive an honorary Doctoral Degree for her outstanding work in the field of mental wellness. Her flagship program, The 12 Week Breakthrough, is endorsed by psychologist Robin Bryman as a must for anyone struggling with a loss of self-hood due to narcissistic abuse. You can learn more about her online courses and her seven bestselling books by visiting