by Lisa A. Romano
Codependent recovery, when done deeply will kick our ass.
As codependents, we have lost our identity and who we think we are can be enmeshed with how worthy or valuable we are to others.
OMG and SMH!!!!
Codependents make OTHER people our GOD!
We make other people our HIGHER POWER!
We obsess about taking care of people who can't take care of themselves, and often, we rant, rage, and complain the entire time we are catering to the needs of others.
We are out of control, pissed, depressed, and resentful, because we are tired, frustrated, and feel abandoned.
We do not know we are abandoning the self and WORSE--we do not know how to RESCUE the self.
WHAT A FREAKING EMOTIONAL, SPIRITUAL, NEUROLOGICAL, VIBRATIONAL, PHYSICAL, and PSYCHOLOGICAL MESS!!!!!!!!
Withdrawal is a HUGE part of CODEPENDENT RECOVERY and it is SCARY AS HELL!
We don't know how to NOT take care of other people, or how to NOT anticipate the needs of others.
We don't know how to focus on our own self-care.
We don't know how to NOT obsess about how insensitive someone is--or how irresponsible they are.
We don't know how to NOT feel wounded when someone does not offer us the same support and consideration we offer them.
OH MY LORD!!!!!!!!
Listen, as codependents we need to face our own stuff and we have to be willing to see how codependency is tied to our need to control just about everything and everyone because we have spent our lives feeling OUT OF CONTROL.
In the fawning, catering to and even complaining to others about how they continually abandon us, we are STUCK recreating and recycling our freaking childhood trauma and we are NOT helping to save our INNER CHILD!
Letting Go will turn us inside out, upside down, chew us up, make us want to THROW UP, cause our body to shake, sweat, and panic.
Letting Go will twist us psychologically and pull at our emotional skin. We will feel exposed, vulnerable, terrified, and raw.
Letting Go of our controlling behaviors will make us feel like we are floating in a bottomless pit of complete and utter darkness. We will cry, quiver, and come face to face with ALL OF THE FEARS that have been downloaded upon the cells of our being.
You know that fear of not feeling enough we've all been running from?
Well, when you let go, guess what you finally find?
YEP--you guessed it...
But you know what?
When you finally stop running from the fear of not feeling good enough, your HIGHER MIND is finally offered a seat at the table where it can digest, pull apart, look at, poke, push around, and dissect the ghost we have been running from.
When this happens and ONLY when this happens, TRUE RECOVERY can begin.