When you Love the Narcissistic Parent
by Lisa A. Romano
None of us were bestowed a handbook that outlined what love is, what it looks like, or what it should feel like. All of us learned to define love by what we observed as children--while perceiving the authorities in our lives, over and over and over. Through observation, perception and repetition we learned to assimilate certain concepts about love.
As children we 'needed' our caretakers and this 'need' was natural. This 'attachment' to our caretakers was one of our first experiences with love. If we were born to beings who resented our naturally 'needing' them, then the love that was returned to us--did not feel 'harmonious'. Instead we as the perceiving beings we were born to be--understood that something was off. Unfortunately however, the something that was off--which was more than likely some narcissistic trait in one or both of our parents--we falsely presumed--was us.
Falsely presuming that the disharmony between we and our parents was--us--stained our tiny souls. Growing up, this dis-ease between we and our caretakers--only fueled our deep natural need to feel in alignment with and connected to the beings whom we called mother and father. This out of alignment feeling cracked our perceptions of Self and hindered our ability to feel safe, and marred our chances of developing true self esteem.
When your own mother cannot love you in an authentic way--you feel rejected--and presume that you are the cause of the angst between you and the being who created you. You are too innocent to understand that the being you call mother is emotionally ill--dysfunctional--inept--and has not evolved in a healthy mature way. Instead, your soul develops a sore that only widens every time your heart reaches for some sense of validation, worthiness, connection, acceptance, understanding and or empathy from the being you love--and sadly have needed to love you back.
It is our souls journey to learn to let go of people, ideas, behaviors, and beliefs that do not serve our higher good. And while it is rational to comprehend how one might need to let go of an abusive partner--or a drinking habit--it is not an easy thought to wrap ones psychological fingers around the idea that one might need to 'let go' of the one person he/she has believed they have needed since before the being ever took a breath.
Unconsciously, our sense of self worth is tied to what we believe our mothers/fathers believe about us.
Sometimes the first step to honoring Self--is comprehending the notion that just because we love our mothers and fathers, and accept them for who they are--does not mean--those emotions will be reciprocated--and if they are not--that is NOT a reflection of our lack of Self worth--but instead--is a reflection of our parent's point of emotional arrest.
Parents who are unable to love--are stuck.
Love moves, it breathes, it shares, it envelopes, is soft, is caring, is warm, is compassionate, is kind, is peaceful and even joyous.
The only person you need--is YOU.
Within you lies all the power you will ever need to live an abundant and amazing life.
And when you are willing to look within for the sense of Self you have sought your entire life--eventually you find the love you've always longed for.
The intelligence that created the sun, moon and stars--created YOU.
Your true parent is--source. Our earthly parents are flawed, just as we are. They are human, and most likely more unconscious than they are conscious. To continue to seek love where we know we cannot find it--is maddening.
Learning to let go of our need to feel accepted by parents who are unable to reciprocate a healthy sense of validation back to us--is not an easy belief system to unwind. But it is possible.
As it is below so shall it be above.
When you love you at your core--in spite of who cannot love you in your environment--you shift your world--through perceiving Self as a worthy being--and from that standpoint--there is nothing you cannot be, do or have.
Create love below--and love above--shall flow.
Namaste brother--Namaste sister...
We are ONE.