Jun 24, 2020

If you struggle with codependency, you struggle with having a healthy autonomous identity.

by Lisa A. Romano

codependency identity narcissist self help self love

If you struggle with codependency, you struggle with having a healthy autonomous identity.

When asked the question, "Who are you?" you answer according to your roles in society, or you describe yourself according to ideas that have shaped your perception of self. You speak in terms of what has happened to you or in terms of what role you think you play in the world or in your family.

You say things like;

I am a woman.
I am a man.
I am a father.
I am a mother.
I am a soccer coach.
I am a doctor.
I am a writer.
I am someone with a disability.
I am depressed.
I am anxious.
I am a bus driver.
I am an electrician.
I am a hairdresser.
I am the daughter of a narcissist.
I am the adult child of an alcoholic.
I am a sexual abuse survivor and so on...

While all of these statements might very well be true for you, the truth is, they do not describe who you are separate from what has happened to you or what role your culture or our very imperfect, still chaotic society has placed you into.

Many of us are still controlled by others and by what they did to us when we were powerless to fight back, tell the truth, or protect ourselves. In this case, the past is controlling our mood, our beliefs, our level of freedom, and our sense of peace.

If you are codependent, you are controlled by the moods of others. Your balance is nonexistent because when you were supposed to be developing a healthy sense of self, you were a child and too busy trying to manage the absolute horror of feeling abandoned as a child. Your brain was wired for distraction, fear, and survival and so today, although you are no longer a child, that golden pillow that belongs to every soul has yet to be found within you.

Detach Dear One...zoom out...stand tall...and question everything. You do NOT have to believe what you have been conditioned to believe. You absolutely have a right to know who you are in spite of who and what others may have brainwashed you to believe.

The real you is gold, divine, and absolutely enough!

Take it easy today, go have fun, laugh, smile, and breath deeply.

In spite of the past, your sexual orientation, the color of your skin, or my skin and in spite of how much money you make, or how much money someone else makes, in spite of how intelligent you may be or may not be, in spite of being alone or single, or divorced ten times, try this "I AM" on for size....

I AM ENOUGH....and I AM willing to NO LONGER allow roles, the past, or other people's moods, beliefs, ideas, or ideal control me and rip me off my golden pillow.


Make it a great Wednesday everybody!