Codependency and Enabling
by Lisa A. Romano
It is so wonderful to feel heard, loved, and respected. We all want it, but why are so many of us unable to achieve this amazing standard in our relationships?
If you come from a less than perfect childhood, you may have never felt understood and today, you may want more than anything to be heard. Unfortunately, many of us from imperfect homes tend to attract partners who are very similar to the people who wounded us. The brain prefers the familiar and the personality feels attracted to what it knows. This is great news if you came from an awesome home, but if not, it is time to up your consciousness.
If you are someone who tends to make excuses for bad behavior, or if you are someone who tends to have become desensitized to other people’s abuse, chances are you probably never felt heard in childhood. You may still be wanting and expecting the people you love to hear you.
If this sounds like you, it is time YOU start to see YOU!
Begin by taking an inventory of how often you tend to have the same types of conversations. If you are the person who goes to bed frustrated by yet another talk that has gone absolutely nowhere, you may wish to start looking into your childhood for patterns. If your partner continues to deny how their words hurt or their actions impact you, make sure you see this as abusive behavior. Consider going into couples therapy and or possibly finding a professional to help you detach enough that are better able to see they dynamics for what they truly are.
You can’t fix a hole in the wall you can’t see, so work on detaching from frustrating conversations you cannot control, and begin working on gaining more awareness around the dysfunctional dynamic that needs to be addressed.
Start with YOU!
The more YOU respect YOU the more others will too!