by Lisa A. Romano
What is codependency?
When you are codependent, you lack personal boundaries, seek approval from partners, and lack a healthy sense of self. You believe that love is conditional and that in order to be in a relationship, you must prove you are worthy of love. Within you is a deep spiritual hole that longs to feel loved and connected to. You may or may not be aware that you ache to feel seen, understood, wanted, and safe.
What are the root causes of codependency?
Some of the major causes of codependency are;
- being raised by alcoholics
- being raised by narcissistic parents
- childhood emotional neglect
- sibling bullying
- emotional, physical, and sexual abuse
- aloof parents who barely noticed you
- verbal abuse
- being raised in a home that was void of authentic emotional connection
- strict, overbearing, intrusive, and controlling parenting
Children who are raised to be seen and not heard, are forced to live in denial of the authentic self. Children who are raised in unpredictable homes are forced to rely on coping strategies like people-pleasing, perfectionism, and fawning, as a way to avoid potential harm. That harm can be in the form of emotional, verbal, psychological, sexual, and or physical abuse.
Signs and Traits of Codependency in Relationships
Codependency in relationships leads to toxic dynamics that destroy one's spirit, mind, and body. Codependency can be understood as an identity issue that leads to self-abandonment. Codependency requires you to abandon the self in order to keep others calm, content, and happy, as well as secure the relationship. A codependent person does not have a strong self of self. They do not know who they are, and they struggle to identify as well as express their unique emotions. Due to a lack of self, codependents assume the role of caretaker in relationships, which is a sad consequence of growing up feeling invisible.
A codependent person is driven subconsciously through hypervigilance to focus on the moods, needs, and emotions of their partners. This subconscious drive is neurological. The subconscious mind has been wired to seek approval, as a way to ensure survival and avoid abandonment.
Signs of codependency include;
- focusing on others at the expense of the self
- dropping friends and personal interests for the sake of a relationship
- feeling anxious and insecure in relationships
- needing assurance from partners that you are good, loved and wanted
- worry over what other people think and feel about you
- feeling guilty for things that are not your fault
- feel responsible for how other people feel
- the need to be liked and approved of
- the fear of setting boundaries and saying no
- adapting to intolerable circumstances without an understanding of how toxic dynamics are impacting you
- enabling addictions and minimizing the impact partners' actions have on the children in a home
- feeling stuck and powerless
- resenting others who seem to be free, happy, and empowered in their lives
- pretending to be happier than you actually are so that others don't learn about your unhealthy relationship
Codependent Parents and Their Children
Codependent parents underestimate the long-lasting consequences their codependency traits and symptoms have on their children. When parents are codependent, they may unfairly lean on their children for emotional support. They may enable a partner's abuse, addiction, volatility, and condition their children to deny the self in order to keep the peace in the home. Codependent parents may enable their children's unhealthy behavior, cater to them, and fail to set necessary boundaries. As a result, codependent parents model unhealthy boundaries thereby helping to give rise to the next generation of codependents. Catering to their children, seeking their approval, and failing to set boundaries can lead to entitlement, and a lack of empathy in a child as well.
What is Codependency Coaching?
Codependency recovery coaching is an opportunity to get to the core wounds responsible for the need to be needed, perfectionism, fawning, and seeking the approval of others. Healing codependency is only possible if and when the subconscious patterns responsible for codependency are corrected and replaced with healthy beliefs. The codependent brain is unhealthy and full of neurological pathways that result in self-sabotage. Regardless of how committed one may be to healing from codependency until the brain is reprogrammed, the default mode network of the brain will continually draw someone back to their old way of being.
Many codependents find themselves magnetized to narcissists, addicts, alcoholics, and those with serious addiction issues. Narcissists are those who feel entitled to be catered to, adored, as well as feared. Narcissists in relationships rely on dominance and control to maintain power over the relationship. Someone who is struggling with codependency traits enters into the relationship offering their power to a narcissist, seeking their approval, and with a deep desire to feel like they are good enough. Narcissists will exploit the needs of a codependent and in time, the relationship will rob the codependent person of their energy and mental health.
The 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program is a proven framework that helps those struggling with codependency heal the beliefs that cause them to abandon the self for the sake of pleasing others. This codependency recovery program offers students the personal transformation techniques they require to end codependency. Students follow a clearly defined roadmap, that is highly structured, with proven techniques and actionable steps that lead to empowered thinking. This highly structured curriculum teaches clients how to access their emotions, identify what they are feeling, and make rational, self-empowering decisions based on their truth. It is a step-by-step module-based program that addresses the core wounds responsible for codependency, as well as the rational and logical thinking required to take accountability for one's personal power.
This program has helped thousands of clients, including psychotherapists, world-class athletes, politicians, doctors, lawyers, and high achievers transform their lives with a clear path towards self-actualization, spiritual growth, and loving, healthy relationships with self and with others. It is a roadmap for anyone who seeks clarity and confidence in their decision-making process.
Codependency symptoms get worse over time. If you are codependent, Lisa A. Romano's 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program can help you heal from the subconscious beliefs responsible for codependency within 12 weeks.
This program is world-class, exceptionally detailed, pristinely designed, and offers you the clearly defined steps you need to develop the new mindset you need to end toxic relationships, find the authentic self, set empowering boundaries, and speak with authority on your soul's behalf. Follow Lisa's blueprint to find the road back to the authentic self, the one you were forced to deny for the sake of others when you were a child.