by Lisa A. Romano
Anything that we experience within the mental and or emotional body must manifest in the physical body. We can never separate our emotional or mental experience from our physical bodies--as all beings are the sum of that which is experienced on every level of existence.
Codependent relationships are maddening--as it is a dynamic that sucks emotional and mental bodies in like vacuums.
One minute a codependent being can be laughing and enjoying the sound of a child's laughter, and the next--he/she can notice an unease in their partner's facial expression and suddenly feel sucked into a dark hole mentally and emotionally.
One glance--one glare--one frown--one shrug of a shoulder--one movement--one word--one sentence--is all it takes for a codependent being to fill with dread.
When you are codependent--you--and your stability is not the priority.
Like a prisoner sentenced to live life according to the rules set by others--codependents play by the rules of others--and lose themselves bit by bit--as their equally codependent partners pull further away--and have their egos boosted by understanding they have control over the others emotionality--and thus can control their behaviors accordingly.
Codependents are like seasoned Tango partners.
One pursues validation and worthiness--while the other looks to avoid letting down their ego--as a way to avoid feeling like he/she has 'given' into their approval seeking partner.
Pursuing partners are unaware that in all their catering--they are setting themselves up for disappointment. Because they have not learned to truly and deeply love self--nor have they yet learned to appreciate self on an authentic level--they unconsciously believe--they must overdo--and or gain--the acceptance they seek in the 'doing' for their partner.
What 'pursuing codependents' fail to consciously understand is--they will 'attract' to them--like a moth is attracted to a flame--a partner who is accustomed to withdrawing--who is uncomfortable with sharing themselves emotionally.
Until the pursing codependent awakens to his/her unconscious beliefs--and then begins to curtail their behavior--he/she will continually feel let down--and suffer both emotionally, mentally---and eventually will 'feel' the physical effects of the 'let downs' in their bodies.
Breaking The Cycle
All is not lost.
Pursuing codependents need to 'think' more and 'react' less.
They need to 'detach' from obsessive thoughts like;
I wonder what he/she wants/needs/thinks/feels?
I wonder what he/she thinks about me?
I wonder why he/she said that or looked at me that way?
Instead--pursuing codependents need to think;
- I wonder how I feel?
- What do I think about how my partner reacts to me when I talk about what I need?
- How do I want to be treated?
- Do I do things for him/her because I am trying to manipulate a sense of validation out of them, and if so, how can I instead validate my own self instead so I don't need her/him to validate me?
- Do I believe I can live without him/her in my life?
- Do I unconsciously believe I need him/her in my life--or do I want them in my life?
- Do I do things for others because I need others to make me feel worthy, or do I do things for others because I really want to?
- Do I put others needs ahead of my own, and if so, do I feel angry within when I do?
- Do I tell the truth--or do I sugarcoat my emotions?
- Does my partner encourage me to be my self--or do I feel they try to tone me down--and if so--how do I feel about him/her when I feel that--and am I conscious enough to see my partner for who they are--or do I instead see my partner how I would like to see them?
- Do I see my Self?
- Do I honor my Self?
- Do I take care of me?
- Do I sacrifice my needs for others--and then get pissy when they don't sacrifice for me?
Unlocking your unconscious belief systems is the key to your future success.