Jun 17, 2020

Children are not born knowing how to love self

by Lisa A. Romano

abuse children self love

There is nothing that upsets me or excites me more than an adult child of an alcoholic, or an adult child of a dysfunctional home who is on the cusp of being able to comprehend that he/she is NOT her thoughts.

When you are born to parents who cannot SEE you, who cannot HEAR you, who are unaware at how self absorbed they are--in relation to you--YOU never learn to be comfortable in your own skin. Because it is the absolute responsibility of the parent to instill within a child a sense of unconditional love and acceptance--children are not born knowing how to love self. In fact, children learn about their worth or lack of through their relationships with parents. If the parents are dysfunctional, then so will be the messages the child receives about self, others, the world, relationships and love.

Perhaps the saddest thing about being a wounded adult child of a dysfunctional parent--is how often we tend to argue for our limitations. We argue for why we can't stop smoking, lose weight, exercise, or eat properly. We find dozens of excuses for why we just cannot do what we know we need to do--and we believe them. We believe the excuses we tell ourselves--because we love ourselves conditionally--and never learned to love self. Ultimately--we do not believe we are worthy of health, love, peace, freedom or abundance..and so we sabotage ourselves time and time again--repeating the emotional neglect we experienced in our childhoods.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The greatest thing about being a Life Coach who specializes in Adult Children of Alcoholic dynamics, is the fact that I am one who gets to watch a soul resurrect him/herself within his/her own mind. There is nothing as splendid or as joyous as being a witness to a souls resurrection.