Mar 13, 2020

Childhood Trauma & Attachments

by Lisa A. Romano

abandonment codependency trauma

It is not uncommon for abused adult children to put someone they know on a pedestal.

Often those of us who have experienced childhood trauma, attach ourselves to best friends, people, lovers, spouses, and alike, and place all our dreams upon these ‘others.’ On some level, we are escaping the abyss our abandonment trauma has left in its wake by making someone else or something our external higher power. This friend, we think, shall help us avoid the pain we know lurks within our soul.

We Can Attach Far Too Easily

We become ATTACHED and live in FEAR that the relationship one day may possibly end, although we may never consciously acknowledge that this is true.

This type of codependency only reinforces our lack of self-love.

Whenever we make someone else our god, savior, or rescuer, we are turning away from the DIVINE SOURCE within us. When we ATTACH to someone outside of us, in an attempt to avoid our abandonment trauma, we unknowingly place unrealistic expectations upon them. We unconsciously wish for them to NEVER leave us—to NEVER slight us—to NEVER abandon us—to NEVER have another best friend in the world but us.

This is NOT loving the self.

Be honest with yourself and see if there is anyone in your life you place more value on than you place upon yourself.

Is there someone in your life you obsess about?

  • Is there someone you have attached to in an unhealthy way?
  • Is there someone you cater to because on some level you feel less than them? Is there someone you acquiesce to?
  • Is there someone you want to try and control by catering to them?
  • Is there someone you fear losing because you don’t think you’d make it on your own?

Is there someone in your life you do not think you can live without?

If you discover that you have ‘attached’ yourself to someone in an unhealthy way, see if you can begin reframing how you perceive this person and this relationship. If you have placed someone upon a pedestal, see if you can begin seeing this person more realistically and like a perfectly imperfect person just like the rest of us are.

Within you is a connection to CREATOR, so there is never any reason to place any false god before you—YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Lisa A. Romano was voted the #1 Most Influential Person of 2020 by Digital Journal and one of the top 10 Most Inspirational Women of 2021 according to Yahoo Finance. She is a Life Coach and Bestselling Author who specializes in Codependency and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. Her YouTube Channel has over 400K subscribers, and her 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program has helped thousands, including psychologists and even neuroscientists, release painful emotions from the past. Romano’s approach is seen as groundbreaking and highly effective for creating the inner transformations all human beings are capable of. To learn more about Lisa and her online programs, books, speaking events, and support groups, visit