I was recently asked, "Why is it that drug addicts and alcoholics are attracted to me like a moth is to a flame? Why is it that I too, am attracted to people who are so self sabotaging? I don't get it. I confuse love with pity, and I am always thinking negative--like I don't deserve a nice guy or true happiness. Why?"
When I am in the company of a being who is distraught over their relationship, who is coming to the realization that they are the common denominator--I always feel as if I am watching a newborn baby being born. For as a being begins to see self--she/he is in the process of dissolving the illusions cast by the ego.
The ego is that part of our mind that served us when we were small children. It helped us understand our autonomy and separation from others. The ego of one man--is the ego of all men. It is the same psychological predisposition that causes a being to be blind to him/her own magnificent self.
When a child is not taught that who they are is enough--tall, short, chubby, skinny, fair skinned, or dark skinned, scholarly or not, the ego then--cannot let go. Instead--the ego stands guard over the soul/self/spirit of the child--in an attempt to thwart emotional pain. Because the mind has learned that pain is experienced when there is a conscious acknowledgment of the emotion that is caused by feeling 'not enough for love, acceptance and validation'--the ego allows the spirit to sleep--while it keeps a watchful eye out for any further possible injury.
The ego is intended to help us survive. Unfortunately however, the more indifferent parents have been to the emotions of a child, the harder it will be for the ego of an adult to let go of the idea--that the being still needs to be protected.
The 'wall' we feel within us--that shelters our hearts from the criticism of others is actually the ego.
The goal of each being born is not to create our lives. Instead--the goal of each being born is to remember who we truly are.
Each being born is divine, perfect, god like and yes--holy. Each of us has been born of god. Our earthly parents were simply our transporters to this physical time space reality. Our true heritage is simply divinity.
For a being to ever truly heal--he/she must become self/soul realized. For this to occur--a being must learn to ask the ego to release its hold on its heart. Until the ego believes the soul behind its wall can love its self--even when others are unable to love him/her--the ego cannot let go.
If you are a being who is finally at a point where you are able to look within--hold on--because you are on the verge of truly understanding that all the love you ever sought was with you all the time.
If you are self aware enough to even ask the question, "Why am I always thinking negative?" please know that you are more aware than most. Most beings are so ego/pain based that they cannot even contemplate the idea that 'they' might be doing/thinking in an inappropriate way.
If you are always thinking negative--that is because your ego is trying to protect you. Your ego is designed to look without--not to look within. It is designed to blame others for why you feel the way you do--because it was taught early on--not to trust others--and to believe that you were unworthy of love.
If you have found yourself reading this--know that it is not a mistake or by chance that you have found yourself here. You were meant to receive this message--as there is no such thing as coincidence in life.
Everything is as it should be.
You are enough.
Your happiness cannot be found in the material.
Go within, or go without.
Namaste...you are loved...
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