3 Tips for Dealing with Difficult People
by Lisa A. Romano
When I realized I was brainwashed to be codependent, to people-please, and to feel less than others, an array of emotions surfaced. I felt angry, sad, afraid, worried, and overwhelmed.
How would I ever own my mind and be able to be my authentic self without worrying about becoming abandoned or experiencing rejection?
Healing required that I let go of all the beliefs, behaviors, attitudes, and rationalizations that once ruled my life. For a while, I was lost and fumbled until I began to understand how out of thin air, faith could pave the road back to me.
I could never have imagined that committing myself to healing my mind would allow me to travel so far in my consciousness, to be able to manage the negative inner narrative as well as I do these days.
Is the critical inner voice still there? Yes, but these days it's more like a whisper than a ferocious roar and I am good with that.
As we heal and breakthrough, we inevitably ruffle feathers. Learning to stand up for yourself after years of doing for others at the expense of yourself is not easy. Those you've served get pissy when you start setting boundaries. It takes mental Olympic-type effort to hold onto yourself as others try to guilt, shame, or blame you for wanting to have a say in your life and relationships.
For those times when you bump into someone who asks you questions they shouldn't, with the intention of trying to embarrass or intimidate you, I wanted to offer you three tips.
1) Before answering someone's question, decide whether or not this person should be asking you this question at all. Sometimes people ask you questions to put you on the spot or they are trying to get you to feel less than them. So take a moment and think before you say anything at all.
2) Remember, no one is the boss over you and you don't need to explain yourself to someone you know does not have your best interest at heart. So, if you sense you're dealing with someone who is trying to gaslight or intimidate you, you might want to offer a very minimal answer if you answer at all. Never defend yourself against someone you think does not have your best interest at heart. Go with a blank answer and change the subject or get out of the vicinity of them.
3) Don't take ignorance, arrogance, or self-righteousness personally. Anyone who needs to go around and cause others to feel threatened, less than, observed, criticized, or judged is not operating for their highest good or yours. Lots of us are still stuck, living below the veil of consciousness thrashing against the echos of the past, unaware we are unaware. From time to time you're going to bump into someone who is still highly reactive and unaware some unhealed wound within them has yet to fully been transformed by their inner light.
Remember, people can only see you through their internal eye, the one that has been shaped by their ideologies, and what they identify with. So the next time someone comes at you with some intrusive question and you know their intention is to make you feel less than them, remember that no one is the boss over you.
In time, and with enough practice, it becomes easier to set boundaries with difficult people. And I am of the belief, that as we heal we bump up against snarky others less and less because the wounds that draw them to us are no longer activated, nor are we offended by the ignorance of others, Instead, we offer them a Namaste and walk away maintaining our own inner harmony.
Dear One, it was never you, it was only your programming. However, to ascend the past, and end our robotic automated way of relating to self and others, we must commit ourselves to the path of consciousness. With so much happening in the world around us today, now more than ever, we must know who we are and who we are not.
Below, you can download my daily affirmation app to help you remain tethered to the authentic and divine you on your path to higher consciousness and thus the ascension journey.