Jun 17, 2022

Reactive Abuse; How Narcissist Will Get Inside Your Head

by Lisa A. Romano

mental toughness narcissist reactive abuse

Do you know a gaslighter?

People ask me, "Lisa, you talk so much about spirituality, mindfulness, and the evolution of consciousness, so why do you pay so much attention to narcissistic abuse? Shouldn't you just inspire others to think higher and stop noticing narcissists?"
I am completely aware that there are spiritual teachers that ONLY speak of positivity and enlightenment and encourage others to work at dropping the mind. And in theory, as well as in a perfect world, it would be simple to do.
HOWEVER, in the 3D world, there exist dragons who live to deliberately DESTROY the lives of others. What people need is REAL LIFE KNOWLEDGE about the dangers that exist, so they can learn to SLAY whatever negative emotions dragons invoke within an individual, so they CAN find the light within, and eventually LET GO.

Reactive Abuse

Reactive abuse is a weapon narcissists use against their victims for the purpose of controlling their minds from the inside out.
Your reaction to a narcissist's abuse will be the focus of their attention. When you react to their abuse, they use your normal reaction as proof that you're crazy, and that you should not trust your perceptions.
As they remain calm, observing your natural response to abuse, you begin to doubt your reaction is valid.
Over time, you will develop a dependency upon the narcissist's perception of reality and within you, you detach from your DIVINE GUIDANCE SYSTEM.
Personal clients and members of our private coaching groups ask me and my coaches, "When will I feel better? When will I no longer be reactive? When will I feel peaceful? When will I gain back my self-confidence?"
These questions pull on our heart strings. We know clients and students want to feel better NOW, and that is why I am uncomfortable with some self help communities who insist that all people have to do is think happy thoughts. The truth is, healing TAKES TIME and it takes MENTAL TOUGHNESS TRAINING to undo the psychological as well as neurological issues chronic abuse creates over time. There is no QUICK FIX!
Sorry Dear Ones, but that is the absolute truth! Healing is a FULL-TIME JOB! But the good news is, with the right attitude towards your healing, it is possible to become EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT and RUN YOUR LIFE LIKE A BOSS!
You need to know that quick fixes, and positive affirmations DO NOT change you unless you REBOOT your subconscious mind. You need to know this so you don't continue to think or wonder if YOU'RE BROKEN!
For years, I did all that the spiritual gurus suggested. I forgave, and I wrote and burned letters to those I had conflicts with. I wrote out gratitude journals and developed mantras to recite inside my head. But, it was not until I addressed the CORE issues that existed at the emotional level, that had been created at the level of the mind, that I had BREAKTHROUGHS.

Reactive Abuse Causes You to Doubt Your Reality

Upon reflection, I had to admit that at times I was reactive. I was nasty. I was snarky. I could even characterize my reactions at times as abusive.
This self-awareness crippled me when standing before the people who routinely gaslit, lied, projected, and enjoyed watching me react to their withholding of love, or their accusations.
My healthy self-doubt got lost in the emotional abuse I endured as a child and as an adult.
Upon reflection, I wondered, "Maybe he is right. Maybe I am just a negative person. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I am too much. Maybe I have no right to feel this way. He seems so calm even when we have an argument. Maybe I should not react so strongly to his passive-aggressiveness. Maybe the silent treatment is not so bad. Maybe his criticisms are meant to help me. Maybe my desire to feel closer to him is unrealistic. Maybe I should just shut up! Maybe I should not make such a big deal out of catching him another lie. At least he doesn't hit me. My mother was probably right. I am never happy."
After episodes like these, I would remain in emotional hangovers for days, weeks, and sometimes months. I had no clue what reactive abuse was, or how a narcissistic person used their reaction towards a victim's reaction to them to maintain mind control.
Today, I have learned to DISCERN wolves from sheep, lions from kittens, and bears from earthworms. This is me, acknowledging danger and staying mentally strong and connected to my divine guidance system in spite of potential predators. This is NOT me pretending gaslighters don't exist. Rather it is me, taking an inventory of my past, honoring what I know to be true, and rather than seek validation, I surrender to the wisdom I have gained, moving forward in a state of nonresistance, tethered to the light within!
Yes, you can be spiritually evolved, enlightened, and TOUGH. You can be SOFT and CONFIDENT at the same time. So please don't shy away from the truth, just because you are afraid someone might call you a b**ch or selfish, or whatever other nasty label someone who is afraid of you becoming too powerful might use to get you to DOUBT your MENTAL and EMOTIONAL POWER.
If you suffer from reactive abuse, the person you love or hang out with, or maybe even work with is clever enough to know how to push your buttons and watch you wiggle. If you were emotionally neglected, abandoned, or abused in childhood, Dear One, your subconscious mind is primed for self-doubt, cognitive dissonance, and shame. You may be stuck in a state of survival, and that is not your fault.
If you are highly reactive, and you are dealing with a gaslighter, try to remember that narcissistic people thrive when they can get inside your head. When you react to them on the outside, that means they were powerful enough to cause an emotional reaction to take place on the inside of YOU!
NO, you don't need someone like me telling you to focus on the positive. You need someone to teach you how to develop the mental powers to PUSH NEGATIVE PEOPLE out of your life, and that starts by learning how to push them out of your MIND first.


Let's Start Here

The light in me honors the light in YOU!
I don't have to know you, to know you are good, worthy, and enough.
I never have to break bread with you to know that within every cell of your being, there is light.
I don't have to look into your eyes to believe that you are a powerful creator and to know that you, like all humans, are subject to the laws that govern the subconscious mind, and that you may be unaware of your true potential.
The world is dualistic, as is the mind, and as are each of us. To ignore the dark is to diminish the power of the light.
We are more energetic, vibrational, and spiritual beings than we are physical. We are both, ego and divinity at the same time. Our minds are more subconscious than they are conscious and the world around us contains both good and not-so-good. We need to honor both the good and not-so-good, if we are to be able to make smart choices!
When we are out and about, going through our day, we need to learn to speak to ourselves with COMPASSION.
When we feel the pull of a toxic negative person directing their gloominess our way, we have the power to REBUKE their energy and REFUSE to ABSORB their intention.
We can HOLD onto the knowing, that in order to align with the DIVINE, it is critical to STAY PRESENT in the MIND, CONSCIOUSLY, and AWARE, of the NEGATIVE as well as the POSITIVE.
Cleaning your house, means you take out the trash. It doesn't mean you pretend it doesn't exist.
Your house is your mind.
And you have a RIGHT to say who can enter and who cannot!
You got this!
Your sister in love and light,


If you would like to begin your journey up and out of the subconscious and reactive mind, join me for the next LIVE 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program. I moderate this online class myself with a team of Life Coaches. 

Click below to learn more.