No Cure To Codependency Without Accountability
by Lisa A. Romano
Codependency sucks and generally, many of us do not heal until we have experienced so much pain, we can no longer stay in denial.
We might hang on to that snotty friend who minimizes us in front of other people because her mother is an alcoholic and we feel ‘sorry’ for her. We might not confront our spouse about how rejected we feel whenever they make fun of our thighs, because we are afraid we might make them angry and maybe cause them to leave us. We might take care of our friends bills, even though we know the reason they can’t pay their rent is because they’re on drugs. We might lie for our sibling even though we know they stole money from our mother, because we don’t know how to set boundaries.
In many of the cases, codependency stays in play until one day the pain of ignoring how we feel reaches critical mass and we just cannot take it anymore. Out of denial, we are forced to save ourselves as we realize, those we have lied for, catered to and enabled, only feel even more entitled to exploit their lack of empathy for us, and as a result, we can no longer IGNORE the facts.
When we take a logical inventory of our past relationships, we might see a pattern emerge we do not like. If this happens to you, DO NOT RUN AWAY. Instead, LOOK AT IT!
Do you tend to rescue people?
Do you feel better when you are taking care of other people?
Do you attract people who do not want to or cannot take care of themselves?
Do you ever attract healthy people that do not NEED you, your money, attention, or your time and instead, just want to enjoy spending time with you?
Do you fear being alone, suffer from anxiety, and tend to cling and or enmesh with others, and especially possible romantic interests?
Do you have little, and yet, offer so much to others, whether of your time, attention, possessions, and money?
Your answers to these questions can help you better understand you. If you are settling for ‘rescuing’ people, then know that all of us eventually tire of carrying grown ass people around either physically or spiritually. Eventually we all want to feel loved, seen, valued, understood, and wanted just for being US—and not for what we can offer someone else. In time, we will all just want to hang out with somebody we like and respect who likes us and respects us in return.
There is no cure to codependency without accountability. If you believe you have rescuer tendencies, and your relationships have caused you to feel unfulfilled, today is a great day to start turning that around.
Start by taking care of YOU and letting other people start taking some responsibility for what you should never have assumed responsibility for in the first place.
How would your life change if you no longer took responsibility for other people’s lives, feelings, problems, money issues, and situations?
Please share with our community if doing so resonates with you.
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