Do You Struggle With Saying ‘I Am Sorry’?
by Lisa A. Romano
Saying we are sorry triggers all sorts of shame for those of us who have come from abusive homes. We have a difficult time seeing ourselves realistically and so when we make a mistake, even if that mistake was a tiny one, we FEEL like we are the worst person in the world. Even though we might have accidentally spilled a glass of milk, to us it feels as if we’ve shattered a century old crystal pitcher that was once owned by the Queen of England.
When an abused adult child makes a mistake, it never feels like a mistake. It always feels like something sinister.
Loving the self demands that we see ourselves as perfectly flawed, imperfect, and human. Thinking that the goal is perfection, dysregulates our emotions, and interrupts our ability to see the self in a realistic light.
This weekend, spend some time confronting any perfectionistic qualities that include judging yourself unrealistically. Be kind to yourself and see if you can learn to be more realistic about what you should expect from yourself. When you catch yourself spiraling down a shame hole, remind yourself that you are human and that everyone makes mistakes.
And by chance that you need to say ‘I am sorry’, do what you can to remove SHAME from the equation. Shame is from the past and you no longer need to punish yourself for not being perfect.
If you were raised by people who failed to help you feel enough, just know that you could never have been perfect enough to gain the love and validation from unaware others.
The truth is, you are here and you matter. You are an extension of CREATOR and you are ENOUGH.
When we learn to say we are sorry for the mistakes we make, we are LOVING THE SELF. We are acknowledging that it is totally fine to NOT be perfect.
Do you struggle with making mistakes and saying ‘I am sorry’?
How might accepting yourself as human help you love the self?
Please share if doing so resonates with you.