10 SIGNS YOU’RE HEALING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL WOUNDS Part 1
by Lisa A. Romano
I always talk a lot about knowing the warning signs in relationships and ourselves, but it's equally important to recognize the signs of when you're healing too.
The Importance of Recognizing You’re Healing:
Why? So you know you're moving in the right direction! You have to know where you're going.
So imagine you're on the road, and it says DANGER! You know to avoid that. Or if it says “Road closed.” You know you can’t go there. Road signs help you in that way. They help you navigate into life, so you can get to where you need to go. And that's what I want to offer you.
In this part want to offer you the first five signs that you're on the right path and you're actually healing from emotional wounds:
Sign #1: Worrying Less About What Others Think
The first sign that you're healing from childhood wounds is that you're worried less about what other people think.
Childhood neglect is like having your candle blown out. You don't know that you're the candle and that negative experiences have impacted how well you shine. As a result, you worry a lot. You worry about what people think about you, but as you heal, you’ll discover that you worry less about what others think about you, and more about what you think about yourself. So, as you heal, you feel lighter.
It’s important you know that you were born a candle, and you were meant to shine. Now, if you were born to two people that knew there was a light within them and their candle was shining really bright, great! But if you were born to people whose candle has been dimmed, who aren't able to heal from their own trauma, their childhood situations and their own choices, then they can't really help us burn brightly, and so what happens?
We don't understand that when we're children. So we have all this shame, and everything's our fault. Mommy doesn't love me; at least that’s how we feel. I think it's important to recognize that when we are developing an ego and a superego, our little brains are in black and white. So if mommy loves me, that means I’m good. If I don't feel connected to mommy, that's bad! And that means that I’m bad. There is no middle ground when you're three years old; it’s all black and white, good or bad, mommy's, either happy or mommy's mad. There's no middle ground, and you are responsible for what's happening outside of you.
So as you're healing, what you're going to notice is that you start to feel lighter. You're not so worried about what your sister or your mother thinks. You start to be like, “Wow, what do I think about me? What do I feel? What do I want to eat? Do I want to go to that restaurant? Do I want to take a yoga class, or would I prefer taking a pottery class, or maybe I just want to stay home this afternoon and chill out?” We start worrying about ourselves. We worry less about what people are going to think about the choices we make.
So when you're healing, you're going to notice that you care less about what other people think and more about what you think about the self and what you want,
Sign #2: You Stop Taking On Projects
The next thing you'll notice is that you stop taking on projects.
Many abused adult children don't go after their dreams; instead, they tone themselves down and attract relationships full of potholes. Managing other people's drama is what they’re are good at. It helps us deny our own, and taking care of others helps solidify a positive self-image.
But as we heal, we have less of a desire to fix, rescue, enable or enmesh with others. We start looking ahead. We set goals and can much more easily identify red flags and avoid them. You become more objective about who you're hanging out with; you don’t just jump in straight away.
You start being more objective about the people that you're hanging out with, and you start worrying more about yourself. So when you meet someone, they could seem like the nicest person in the world, but they might not be doing the type of work they should be doing on themselves. That might be a problem later on because whatever isn't dealt with now, will definitely bubble to the surface in an interpersonal relationship; It's just a matter of time. If we have two unconscious people operating at the level of unconsciousness, it will not end well.
You become more objective and a lot pickier about who you hang out with; that’s a sign that you're healing.
Sign #3: You Stop BS-ing Yourself
When we are healing, something incredible happens between our ears; we start hearing ourselves call ourselves out on our own BS. If our home is a mess, we stop blaming the dog, and we start cleaning it up. If our finances aren’t in order, we hold ourselves more accountable, we stop wasting money, and we start saving for the future.
We stop making excuses for others who talk a big talk but never do anything to change their lives. We just can't tolerate the small talk or the excuses from others or ourselves. So as you're healing, you're going to start hearing almost like a nurturing parental voice, saying, “Come on, you could do better, or you know, make the bed, or you know what pay that bill?”
“You're going to notice you're not making excuses for yourself anymore.”
I remember when I used to put things off and procrastinate, and then I complained when the bills piled up or the laundry piled up, but there were all these micro-moments where I was just like, no, the appropriate moment is right now. I also started to understand that:
“success flows towards order. Abundance is order.”
When I realized that, I was like oh my gosh, I really need to get my house in order, I need to get my finances in order. I said to my husband, we need to clear everything out. I don't want to be stuffing things into my house because to me, my house represents my spiritual house. I want the attic in order, this is my mind. I want the basement, my root chakra in order. I want you to be able to walk through my house and feel cohesive; that's how I want to feel on the inside.
“It doesn't matter where you live, it can be in order.”
You can live in a small room in someone's house and that little room could be in order. So think about that, when you stop BS-ing yourself and stop making excuses on the healing path, that’s when you know that you're really healing.
Sign #4: Changing Your Negative Thoughts
The next thing you'll notice is that you catch negative thoughts and you change them.
When you're healing, your subconscious mind is being impressed with new positive data. The more you control your thinking, the quicker your external circumstances will change and that's a fact. If you don't believe me, look at someone who has a really bad life experience happening right now and then be objective. What does that person believe about their health? About their finances? What are they impressing in the subconscious mind day in and day out? And then look at their external circumstances and see if matches, and that goes for all of us.
So as you're healing, the impressions that you're sending to the subconscious mind begin to change. You have far more power than you once realized, so you go from feeling powerless to feeling like maybe you do have some control over this right? You know that the way you think controls the energy that you emit, and so you do all you can to catch these negative thoughts and change them, and you do so with a happy heart. It excites you to change your thoughts.
Now, when we when we're talking about mastering the self and self-mastery, you have to understand that this takes time and tremendous practice. So if you think about someone that you consider an expert, they've had lots of practice. They weren't born an expert, they stumbled, they fell, they figured out what they were doing wrong. They brushed themselves off and they did it again and again and again. So just know that this does not change. but don’t give up!
This is the sad thing about many human beings: they give up right before having that huge breakthrough where they're going to understand something about themselves, how they fit in the world, how their thinking now is a reflection of the past. Don't be that person!
As you're healing, you’ll notice that you'll be catching negative thoughts, and instead of going down the shame rabbit hole, you're going to be getting back on the horse.
Sign #5: You Start Setting Boundaries
Another sign that you're healing is that you start setting boundaries. One day a boundary might just slip out of your mouth, literally like the word ‘no’. You’ll be like, where did that come from? It's unbelievable because you're becoming unconsciously self-competent, self-confident, tethered to the self and developing a sense of selfhood that you may never have had before. So, as you're healing all of a sudden, it's going to start falling out of your mouth.
You're going to start naturally becoming tethered to your own sense of self, purpose and what you want for yourself in life. You're going to be holding yourself accountable, building that self-confidence. Your thoughts are going to change; you’re getting control over this.
“When you believe you can, and you put that into action, your life begins to change.”
Even if it's just a little bit when you honor yourself, go to bed early, you feel better in the morning, and you’re more productive at work. When you go to bed early at night and wake up early in the morning, you can actually have time to meditate and feel better. You'll notice that when you think better, you do better. Your external world gets better. That's a sign that you're actually healing.
You’ll start doing things you never did before, like saying no or setting boundaries; you suddenly have limits you never had before. You may not take calls from friends after 9 pm because you want to have a good night's sleep. You might not tolerate the drunk friend who can't see straight and who embarrasses you whenever you go out; you might not want to continue to be the designated driver, babysitter or chauffeur. You might just not be able to sit through another nasty Sunday meal with mean people anymore. So when you are healing, you're going to notice that the word no will become much more part of your vocabulary.
In the next blog, I will cover the following five signs that you are healing. If you would like to learn more about the importance of healing childhood emotional wounds and the signs you’re healing, watch this video on my YouTube Channel, where I dive into each aspect you should know about that can aid you in your recovery.