by Lisa A. Romano
One of the emotions many codependents rely on to help us feel less powerless is resentment.
When we are angry at someone who has not done what we think they should have, and often when our own abandonment traumas have been triggered, our minds can rear off into the land of punishment and vindictiveness. The more VALUE we have placed on someone or on the relationship, the more RESENTFUL we are when that person does not behave the way we think they should have.
But here is the problem…resentment and vindictiveness keeps us stuck and repeating patterns of thought that reinforce our feelings of victimhood. While we are lashing out, we are essentially telling the universe that this other person hurt us and we are pissed off because we have been victimized in some way.
In a nutshell, we are telling the universe—“I AM A VICTIM—see how angry I am—see how pissed off I am—see how much power this person has over me—I have NO power myself—I have no way to protect myself because I am a VICTIM. I RESENT this person. This person HURT me and now I want to HURT them. I am in PAIN—I am a VICTIM HERE!!!!”
This is pretty serious stuff because the universe can only line like intentions up with like intentions.
The LAST intention we want the universe to line us up with is VICTIMHOOD!
Yes, I believe it is important that we all learn to allow ourselves to feel our anger, as this permits us to process valid emotions that have been tied to traumas and experiences we have a right to be angry about—BUT—unless we are willing to NO LONGER see ourselves as people who NEED to punish someone else for why we feel the way we do—we are lining up with situations and people who will continue to have power over us—not because they do—but because we have not learned to value the self.
When you value the DIVINE SELF, you value what YOU think, what YOU feel, what YOU need and you no longer need to give people power over you. You can take care of yourself and are no longer so disappointed when others do not do what you want them to do, or when they disappoint you in some way. You are less reactive, more balanced in your thought and in your reasoning, and even when someone does piss you off, you know that the answer is in letting go and NOT in hanging onto vindictiveness and resentment.
The more we learn to love the self, the less abandoned we feel and the less reactive we are to others when things don’t turn out as we planned.
Have you felt abandoned and then felt like you wanted to punish the person who let you down? If so, how long did you feel resentful or vindictive before you realized that that type of energy was creating negative Karma for you?