May 28, 2024

Don't Run from Your Feelings: Embrace Them for Transformation

by Lisa A. Romano

childhood trauma healing codependency recovery emotional intelligence for adults emotional neglect healing inner child healing techniques self-love self-worth transformational life coaching

The light in me bows to the eternal and divine light in you!

I was about 9 or 10 years old when I remember feeling so shamed by my mother that my heart felt like it might stop beating, and deep within the crevices of my mind, I heard the words, "Lisa, you're bad."

As I write these words, I can feel emotional transportation occur, drawing me back to this painful moment in time. As if I am time traveling, I am that emotionally broken, fragile, lonely little girl riding her ten-speed bicycle down our town's boulevard as fast as I can, rushing to find a place to hide and possibly run from the shame I was feeling. 

No matter how hard I tried to connect, reach, and bond with my mom, whatever energy, programs, patterns, or wounds she carried prevented me from being able to access her in the way I so desperately needed and wanted to. 

This was a common theme in my life, and by the time I was seven, my mother's mind had found a way to backward rationalize her cognitive dissonance toward me, her oldest child. I remember being confused and feeling responsible for why she and I could not find a harmonious path with one another, especially after she began nonchalantly saying things like, "Lisa and I have a personality conflict."

 I was seven years old when that justification for her mistreatment, impatience, and inability to have compassion for me began. 

Today, at 59 years old, literally half a century from that frozen moment in time when I was riding my ten-speed bike, I understand, appreciate, and accept that my mother's unhealed wounds are what made bonding with me so tragically difficult for her. It had nothing to do with me.

However, living an entire lifetime unable to connect with one's mother and being conditioned to believe you are at fault causes serious mental, emotional, spiritual, and even physical scars. 

Once diagnosed with codependency and depression due to being raised by unrecovered adult children of alcoholics, the pieces of the puzzle began to fit. Self-loathing, obsessive thinking, rumination, fear of abandonment, fear of others, isolation, chameleon-like behavior, seeking approval, and choosing the wrong boys and men in relationships played out like I was unpacking a roadmap. It all lined up, and from a higher state of consciousness, I could understand the subconscious me that was feeling and thus projecting the past into my future. 

What You're Probably Doing Wrong

As humans, we do not pay attention to the one thing we should, which is our feelings. We focus on actions and results, consequences and experiences, all of which are external, and then get our emotional tails caught in fans outside of conscious awareness. We feel powerless, caught up like feathers in the wind, unaware we are running from the feelings we need to learn to embrace so we can finally get on with manifesting and maintaining the lives we were meant to live. 

Ahh, but alas, the mind has been designed to suppress, deny, rationalize, and run from pain, especially the emotional kind that draws us back to times when we were the most powerless. And yet to heal, and I mean to really heal, develop a stainless steel spine and emotional resilience, and resurrect one's inner child to the point where this sacred part of ourselves is absolved of shame, fear, and feeling not good enough, to the pits of our most painful experiences we must learn to visit. 

Why is this important to truly understand?

When I was that little girl, my feelings were so painful that by the time I was twelve, I was suicidal. The stuffing, denying, and trying to run from those haunting emotions caused by emotional neglect, verbal abuse, gaslighting, scapegoating, and triangulation were ripping me apart on the inside, and my external life was proof. I had no friends, was afraid of others, and was bullied at school. My little body suffered rashes and boils, none of which I ever shared with my parents for fear they would blame me or shame me further, which would intensify the already suffocating sense that I was a burden. Hiding the truth felt better than opening myself up to another potential attack where I needed them, and I got the feeling that I was a bother instead. 

No, thank you...

Today, as a Life Coach and champion for adult children everywhere, my personal healing journey through codependency, depression, the fear of abandonment, and the mucking up of my life has brought me full circle. 

My feelings mattered then, and they matter now, and this is true for you too!

The most unappreciated and unguarded aspect of our humanity is our ability to feel. Until we learn to unpack, observe, understand, and appreciate how our feelings plus our thoughts affect the decisions we make and do not make, we remain 9-year-old little boys and girls running from feelings and thoughts that keep us falling into rabbit holes, selling ourselves short, attracting partners that mimic our parent's energy, and live our lives playing out the childhood dynamics that were conditioned into us when we were innocent, worthy, sacred, powerless Dear Ones.

It could be no other way. None of this is our fault. It's not us; it was only our programming; however, until we take the time to commune with our divine inner self and learn the mental and emotional tools required to attempt to unpack what the human mind has been designed to hide away, we remain on the wheel of cause and effect, and the feelings we emit fall subject to the quantum law of causality. 

The good news is that there is a path up and out of the subconscious mind, and when you commit to doing whatever it takes to transform your life, it does. My life is proof, and so are the thousands of lives of the people I have coached, either personally or within one of my sacred healing programs. 

Dear One, you are enough, but your subconscious mind, inner child, and current state of consciousness might not know that yet. 

We got this!

Thank you for being a member of our Breakthrough Community and for understanding that the only way to heal your life is to elevate your consciousness and then step through the doorway of awareness so you can begin using the tools, wisdom, and knowledge of new healthy programming to help you totally transform your life to align with the innate good within you!

If you would like some help on this journey, I highly recommend my books, available on Amazon and all major online book distributors. 


To learn more about how you can begin your conscious healing journey back to the divine self, so you can experience the individuation and integration required to live an authentic life in alignment with your highest self, contact us at [email protected] 

My team and I will be happy to assist with assessing where you are on your journey, so we can help direct you toward a program or product that would assist with your healing and integration process.

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