While the term 'codependency' may be clouded with misunderstandings, it is quite an epidemic. In fact, it is a worldwide epidemic, although rarely does the common man stop to ponder such deep thinking thoughts.
By common man, I am referring to those amongst us who have forgotten or perhaps have never learned to think.
Codependency is a programmed condition that is rooted in the very fibers of the blueprint that becomes a beings subconscious belief system.
Why is this important to pick apart and totally understand?
Because if you do not know your Self--you are no more than a walking, breathing zombie. That's right, a zombie.
Before I began my recovery journey I often said, "I feel like a shell." I didn't feel real, but I didn't know why.
I believe that the disconnect between my psychological mind, which was founded on my subconscious belief systems and the most natural facet of me; my spirit/soul/self was the reason I did not feel whole.
In fact, I wasn't whole. I was a fragmented...
This post is dedicated to Vladmir, a loyal reader and ACoA in Russia;
Yes Vladimir, it is up to our parents to love us unconditionally so that we the innocent beings are able to integrate mind, body and soul--but when we are born to people who are unaware they themselves have a self--and instead are reactive--there is no way they will ever be able to instill in us the secure sense of self we need to mature emotionally.
Unfortunately we the children of the self absorbed--FEEL rejected--and presume that the reason we are being unseen--is because WE are ill--or wrong--or inept....
They only secret ever--is YOU....
In reality--we do not need our parents to love us unconditionally--not really--because we are ENOUGH--at our core--even if no one ever validates us...Each of us--is a seed--of God--we are all One...not only with all that is--but with mankind...We are all brothers and sisters--its just--that some of us--know that--some of us don't--some of us want to know our truth--and...
As a Life Coach, Mentor, Consultant but primarily ADVOCATE for adult children of alcoholics, I understand all too well the silent ills that can plague the mind of a being who has been conditioned to believe that the very essence of who they are--is unworthy.
Every single one of us--including YOU the entity reading and translating the little letters on this page was born perfect, worthy and yes dear one--even ENOUGH!
But what happened?
Why have so many of us gone astray?
How is it--if you and I were born worthy--that we can feel so empty and lost on the inside?
Take a deep breath, perhaps grab a cup of tea--and allow your mind to absorb the information you are about to take in. You may have to read this article and others like it many times over before the wisdom is able to be absorbed by your very tattered mind. This is not your fault. Your mind has been programmed to not only reject information about the validity of your soul--but it has been taught to NOT trust the very emotions...
If you were raised by an alcoholic, then you were failed.
YOU DID NOT FAIL; your alcoholic failed you.
If your father was an alcoholic--and your mother enabled him--and taught you to tone yourself down for the sake of NOT rocking the boat--then YOU were denied the connection to Warrior Self you deserved.
It must be understood and accepted by the conscious and unconscious mind. To read these above statements and to just contemplate them for one second or two--will not be enough to counter the millions of imprinted pieces of negative data that have been inputed into your subconscious mind since your birth--and quite possibly--while even in utero.
If you are the adult child of an alcoholic--you have quite literally been programmed to think in self defeating ways.
What you observe in childhood good or bad, healthy or not gets imprinted upon a child's innocent, and 'in the state of learning' blank brain.
Whatever the child experiences in childhood--and especially...
We Adult Children of Alcoholics in most cases have surrounded ourselves with toxic others. Our emotional set points are also our vibrational set points, or what I like to call our 'attracting points.' Very much like a radio station we have preset in our car, whatever vibrational frequency we were tuned to as children is the vibrational frequency we attract as adults. Perhaps the characters in our lives today are not called mom and dad, but the characters in our adult lives will no doubt be very close energetic beings to the people who raised us.
It is not uncommon for a son or a daughter who grew up with an alcoholic father or mother to attract an alcoholic as a mate. So Dear One, if this is your situation, do not criticize self for this attraction situation. You are simply exemplifying a fairly simply universal law. Like energy beings attract like energy beings, and at any point in time you can shift your point of attraction.
I hear some of you wondering, "But I hated my...
Codependents have been brainwashed to believe that their feelings, wants, needs, and desires do not count.
As children, many of us were taught to stuff our emotions. Rocking the boat pissed the adults in our lives off--so stuff we did.
What we could never have known then is, that all that stuffing of negative energy--actually caused energetic roots to grow from our root chakras--into the time and place where we were receiving those emotional injuries.
To compound the issue of traumatic roots, because this is a like attracting universe--our need for outer validation--attracts others who need to be able to control the mind and hearts of others for their own immature ego gratification.
Wounded codependents attract beings who have sadly learned to get their needs met through the conquering or the controlling of others. Codependents similarly get their immature needs met by catering to others.
These two equally immature mentally, emotionally and spiritual beings attract one...