Signs You're in the Wrong Type of Relationship
by Lisa A. Romano
In the beginning, it is normal to feel high when you meet someone attractive and the relationship feels promising. You put your best foot forward and even tend to swat away any uncomfortable signs that indicate you and your new catch are not the best fit. You are vegan and he is a meat and potato kind of guy, but you think the way he slurps his barbeque sauce off his pudgy fingers is adorable, for now, that is.
Months go by and you pretend you are much happier with this new man than you really are. Something inside of you keeps telling you something is off, but your subconscious mind has already made the decision that he is the one. Before you have time to process your intuition, the red flag in your relationship is swatted away and ignored. The halo effect has taken hold and regardless of those relationship red flags, you move full steam ahead.
You love dogs and he has a pet hair allergy. Your eye starts twitching and your stomach is in knots every time he comes over. Little Fido is kept in the spare bedroom after you've spent two days sanitizing your apartment just to make your 'carnivore' new boyfriend happy. As you continue to ignore the relationship red flags that clearly indicate you just might not be a good fit, your mind continues to rationalize and justify why he MUST BE THE ONE!
You love to swim and he hates to exercise. You love to socialize and he prefers to stay in, play video games and hang out until 1:00 am playing Xbox with his boys. You love to hit the gym early, and he can't wait to hit the snooze button. When out with your friends, you notice he is uncomfortable and even though you might even notice how uncomfortable this makes you feel, still, you ignore the red flags that indicate he is NOT the man of your dreams.
Resentments Grow in Relationships When You Ignore Red Flags
Six months in and you are sick and tired of his complaints about his watery eyes and the dog hair on your leggings. Your unable to stuff your anger over the idea that he seems to have few long-term goals and insists on eating red meat even though you've warned him about pesticides, hormones, and animal cruelty. His friends all think he's awesome, and although he is kind to you, you just can't help to feel resentful. Yea, he shows up when he says he will, he never raises his voice, he's never put you down, ever, he is there to hold your hand when you are upset about something that happened at work, but now you can't stand to be around him.
Red Flags Become Worse Over Time
You tried to love him and even like him, but you two are just a mismatch. He may not be the most social person and he may be more of an introvert, but that does not make him a narcissist. Often, when we ignore red flags, we can become so enraged by our partner's behaviors we can't help but feel stuck and even as if we hate them. It can be a brave act to ask yourself, "Wait, was he always this person, and did I just idealize them from the beginning, and if that is true, how did I end up here full of so much anger?"
What we ignore in the beginning bites us in the rear later. What we think we can change in someone, never changes. People are who they are and the healthy thing to do is accept that earlier than later and to never ignore red flags. What we dislike in someone in the beginning of a relationship, we end up resenting in the end when we were the ones to ignore relationship red flags.
Ignoring Your True Feelings Makes the Relationship Toxic
If people entered into relationships honestly, this would change the entire landscape of interpersonal relationships. Narcissists lie and lovebomb in order to gain control over their targets. This type of deception sometimes never comes to the surface because the narcissist is so convinced they are right and others are wrong. In the mind of a narcissist, you will always be the narcissist and they will always be the victim, in spite of their deceptive and manipulative ways. However, for those who are not narcissists, the reality is honesty matters and even the slightest denying of one's truth can turn a potentially great relationship into a future toxic one.
I hope this YouTube video can help you better understand how you can avoid a toxic future relationship and why honesty and boundaries are essential to creating a healthy foundation for any relationship.
Lisa A. Romano was voted the #1 Most Influential Person of 2020 by Digital Journal and one of the top 10 Most Inspirational Women of 2021 according to Yahoo Finance. She is a Life Coach and Bestselling Author who specializes in Codependency and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. Her YouTube Channel has over 400K subscribers, and her 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program has helped thousands, including psychologists and even neuroscientists, release painful emotions from the past. Romano’s approach is seen as groundbreaking and highly effective for creating the inner transformations all human beings are capable of. To learn more about Lisa and her online programs, books, speaking events, and support groups, visit https://www.lisaaromano.com
Lisa helps her clients understand the power of the subconscious mind when activated through higher consciousness which gives rise to a greater understanding of the ability to love the self completely. To learn more about her and how her work can help you live an authentic life, visit www.lisaaromano.com/12wbcp