Lisa A. Romano has been ranked the #1 most influential person online READ MORE

Codependency is the result of faulty childhood programming and is rooted in the guts of emotional wounds suffered as a child

As an author and Life Coach dedicated to sharing what she has learned in this lifetime, with the intent of helping others heal their troubled pasts, oftentimes I find myself teetering upon quite a delicate tightrope.
 
Because I believe firmly that most emotional woes are rooted in codependent thought processes, I do not believe it is possible to heal a wound one cannot name. Healing codependency requires great personal courage as well as conviction. Most abusers deny that any abuse has ever taken place, which leaves the child victim not only feeling invalidated, but often questioning their own perceptions of the past. In these types of cases, defining wounds of the past can be a most daunting task.
 
When caretakers refuse to acknowledge any abuse has taken place, it is up to the individual in search of healing to learn to honor their own perceptions, in spite of being invalidated by the others in their lives. Healing can often be a most terrifying experience....
Click to Continue Reading...

Being born to narcissists means we have been born to people who are incapable of authentic love.

Abandonment by narcissistic parents can create codependency later on in life for the child of a narcissist. Abandonment by a parent causes deep emotional wounds that can lead to a fear of abandonment and rejection.

Healing our abandonment issues begins with understanding why we fear abandonment in the first place. If you are the child of a narcissist, you were abandoned. This is not made up! You were actually abandoned emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. Narcissistic parents project their own flaws onto their children cause great psychological abuse.

Narcissistic parents essentially teach us--their children, that who we are as individuals and souls are unimportant. Being born to narcissists means we have been born to people who are incapable of authentic love. This inability to connect on a heart level to our parents, makes us--the children feel and believe its all our fault. We are unlovable we falsely presume.

This one false premise changes EVERYTHING. It alters the...

Click to Continue Reading...

Being kind is awesome.

Being kind is awesome.

Being a furry friendly rabbit is awesome too, but without gut instincts, nice things can easily become prey.

Don’t delude yourself. Predators exist and while it’s awesome to think happy thoughts, it’s just as important to know there are those who prey off those who fail to acknowledge that where there is light there is also the dark.
Be kind and be smart too.

Narcissists come in all shapes and sizes with all sorts of tails to tell.

In time, inconsistencies in the stories they tell will emerge.

That will be your clue to be kind to yourself.

Walking away from abuse is not giving up. It is an act of self-love.

Click to Continue Reading...

If someone respects and loves you--you'll know it.

This post is for anyone who is dating, living, or working with someone who has an arrogant, intellectual air about them, who finds ways to put them down. This post is for anyone who has to deal with someone who behaves as if they are supremely more intelligent than others and who MUST find ways to tell the world how amazingly brilliant they are and often at your expense.


Not all narcissists are unintelligent sociopaths. Some of them in fact, are the brightest minds on earth. When we are dealing with an intellectual or cerebral narcissist, it can be even more challenging to hold onto the self because they have such a wonderful command of language.


In the end, consider how people make you feel.


If someone respects and loves you--you'll know it.


If someone is trying to make you feel bad so they can feel good--you'll know that too.


Drop into your heart space and ask yourself, "How does this person make me feel?" and then, listen.


Don't let any little smarty pants make you feel bad about...

Click to Continue Reading...

If you’ve loved a narcissist, in time you will feel like a prop. Narcissists don’t see value in others.

If you’ve loved a narcissist, in time you will feel like a prop. Narcissists don’t see value in others. They see what value others can offer them. It might be sexual favors, financial gains, status perks, housing, and trip benefits. It might be excessive ego boosts, excessive help, excessive praise, validation, or sympathy. Maybe the narcissist needs a whipping post, someone they can project all their personal conflicts on, someone they can blame when they are NOT overly acknowledged by society or others.
 
Narcissists need to be seen as the “MOST”. They are the most sexy, beautiful, smart, clever, rich, sick, unwell, or tortured. No matter what ails you, the narcissist has had it worse. Empathizing with someone else’s pain is not fully possible unless it serves the narcissist.
 
True humility, true self-observation and gut-wrenching personal analysis that prompts a change in behavior is generally not possible.
 
If you feel like a...
Click to Continue Reading...

Narcissists need a toy to play with

Narcissists need a toy to play with. Much like cats play with mice, narcs like to lay in waiting until the mouse feels secure and is out in the open. Once the mouse is out in the open and is feeling safe, that is when the cat strikes the hardest. When the mouse least expects to be taken over, that is when cats enjoy striking the most.

Narcissists are clever. They lure victims in with their compliments, kind words, and adoration. In the beginning, and during the 'safe phase' they pretend to 'see' their victims in ways others have failed to. If you are a tired wife, a narcissistic man will be sure to pick up on your weary feelings and drown you with praise. He will lead you to believe that others are fools for not noticing how hard you work. He will tell you your husband is a fool for not appreciating his hard working wife. You will feel seen, heard, validated, understood, and soon you will begin to feel young and even sexy again. He will look at you in ways that make you feel...
Click to Continue Reading...

Narcissists need a toy to play with

Narcissists need a toy to play with. Much like cats play with mice, narcs like to lay in waiting until the mouse feels secure and is out in the open. Once the mouse is out in the open and is feeling safe, that is when the cat strikes the hardest. When the mouse least expects to be taken over, that is when cats enjoy striking the most.

Narcissists are clever. They lure victims in with their compliments, kind words, and adoration. In the beginning, and during the 'safe phase' they pretend to 'see' their victims in ways others have failed to. If you are a tired wife, a narcissistic man will be sure to pick up on your weary feelings and drown you with praise. He will lead you to believe that others are fools for not noticing how hard you work. He will tell you your husband is a fool for not appreciating his hard working wife. You will feel seen, heard, validated, understood, and soon you will begin to feel young and even sexy again. He will look at you in ways that make you feel...

Click to Continue Reading...

Codependents, Narcissists and Abandonment & Shame

Lions and tigers and bears OH MY!

Generally speaking, the narcissist and codependent have grown up feeling abandoned, rejected, unloved, and unwanted. Both have internalized abandonment and carry this internalization of such experiences as shame. The codependent is the one who has figured out that by acquiescing, people-pleasing, fawning, rescuing, and by suppressing one's needs they are able to avoid either additional abandonment or criticism. The narcissist, however, was unable to find ways to gain any sort of approval or reprieve from the experiences they were born into. No matter what the narcissist did, relief, acceptance, love, happiness, attachment, and joy never came.

Codependents LOVE to rescue and fix people. We have never learned to believe that we are enough just as we are. Healthy people might not want us, we think, but perhaps a wounded duck might! In fact, codependent people will attract the most wounded, unstable personality in a room full of healthy others!...

Click to Continue Reading...

Empaths and Narcissists Why They Attract One Another

Empaths and Narcissists

Do you find yourself naturally wanting to help heal, nurture, take care of, and champion for others?

Do you naturally wish to support and assist the underdog?

Are you easily overwhelmed by sensory stimulation and need to often reenergize?

Do superficial people and conversations irritate and drain you?

What about your relationships? Do you tend to love too much and receive too little? Do you attract high maintenance type personalities that tend to default to feeling like a victim and are you expected to take responsibility for how others feel?

Empaths 

  • feel the emotions of others and process the world through the emotional realm
  • are highly giving and forgiving
  • prefer smaller groups and one to one interactions
  • need to recharge often
  • are super duper nurturing 
  • are sensitive to sensory stimuli
  • feel drawn to water, forests, animals, and plants
  • attract narcissists and people with high victim-mentalities
  • tend to suffer GI issues, headaches, body...
Click to Continue Reading...

Narcissists Hate Themselves and Throw That Hate Up on Others

Narcissists need a toy to play with. Much like cats play with mice, narcs like to lay in waiting until the mouse feels secure and is out in the open. Once the mouse is out in the open and is feeling safe, that is when the cat strikes the hardest. When the mouse least expects to be taken over, that is when cats enjoy striking the most.

Narcissists are clever. They lure victims in with their compliments, kind words, and adoration. In the beginning, and during the 'safe phase' they pretend to 'see' their victims in ways others have failed to. If you are a tired wife, a narcissistic man will be sure to pick up on your weary feelings and drown you with praise. He will lead you to believe that others are fools for not noticing how hard you work. He will tell you your husband is a fool for not appreciating his hard working wife. You will feel seen, heard, validated, understood, and soon you will begin to feel young and even sexy again. He will look at you in ways that make you feel...

Click to Continue Reading...
Close

Enter your details in the form below and then check your email to confirm your subscription.