Lions and tigers and bears OH MY!
Generally speaking, the narcissist and codependent have grown up feeling abandoned, rejected, unloved, and unwanted. Both have internalized abandonment and carry this internalization of such experiences as shame. The codependent is the one who has figured out that by acquiescing, people-pleasing, fawning, rescuing, and by suppressing one's needs they are able to avoid either additional abandonment or criticism. The narcissist, however, was unable to find ways to gain any sort of approval or reprieve from the experiences they were born into. No matter what the narcissist did, relief, acceptance, love, happiness, attachment, and joy never came.
Codependents LOVE to rescue and fix people. We have never learned to believe that we are enough just as we are. Healthy people might not want us, we think, but perhaps a wounded duck might! In fact, codependent people will attract the most wounded, unstable personality in a room full of healthy others!...
Do you find yourself naturally wanting to help heal, nurture, take care of, and champion for others?
Do you naturally wish to support and assist the underdog?
Are you easily overwhelmed by sensory stimulation and need to often reenergize?
Do superficial people and conversations irritate and drain you?
What about your relationships? Do you tend to love too much and receive too little? Do you attract high maintenance type personalities that tend to default to feeling like a victim and are you expected to take responsibility for how others feel?
Narcissists need a toy to play with. Much like cats play with mice, narcs like to lay in waiting until the mouse feels secure and is out in the open. Once the mouse is out in the open and is feeling safe, that is when the cat strikes the hardest. When the mouse least expects to be taken over, that is when cats enjoy striking the most.
Narcissists are clever. They lure victims in with their compliments, kind words, and adoration. In the beginning, and during the 'safe phase' they pretend to 'see' their victims in ways others have failed to. If you are a tired wife, a narcissistic man will be sure to pick up on your weary feelings and drown you with praise. He will lead you to believe that others are fools for not noticing how hard you work. He will tell you your husband is a fool for not appreciating his hard working wife. You will feel seen, heard, validated, understood, and soon you will begin to feel young and even sexy again. He will look at you in ways that make you feel...