Why is she narcissistic?
Why can't he just love me?
Why did he say that?
Why does she keep cheating on me?
Why doesn't he just stop and listen to me?
Why can't she just stop triangulating and just admit that she is wrong?
If you do, you're normal and just like the rest of us who are simply trying to understand abusive, unfair, dysfunctional behavior.
But here's the thing. Your power is NOT outside of you, so asking questions about other people's abusive behavior is NEVER going to get you the answers or the peace you seek by asking them. The reality is, there is NO good reason to ever abuse anyone so even if you got your answers, they would not stop the abuse anyway.
It is so freaking hard to STOP asking the wrong questions and to start asking the right ones. It means we must end looking outside of ourselves and begin looking inside of ourselves.
Inside is where we hold all our...
I am very excited to announce that registration has begun for the next Breakthrough Coaching Class.
If you are ready to dig deep and uncover the wounds, ideas, beliefs, and programs that are keeping you stuck, then this program is for you!
The 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program is essentially my personal blueprint out of the hell a codependent mind can become. It is not your fault if you come from a less than perfect home and you have developed coping skills that have become ingrained in your subconscious mind that no longer serve you. If you had to live in a state of survival as a child, that is not your fault, but unfortunately, unless you actively decide to change the patterns that have developed within you as a result, you will sadly be doomed to repeat your past.
It's not you-it's your programming Dear One. You have been conditioned to fear feeling your feelings and remarkably the only way to live an amazing life is to learn how to 'feel your feelings'. Healing fully, implies...
Anyone who has every been abused by a narcissist will tell you it is a maddening experience. First of all, narcissists can appear to be exactly what we have been looking for our entire lives. They can be charming, alluring, inquisitive, curious, gentle, kind, considerate, wise, capable, strong, independent, charismatic, and they can even appear to have empathy. Well, at least they can present with these wonderful characteristics when we first meet them. When you are dealing with a narcissist, you are dealing with a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type of a personality. They are wolves in sheep's clothing and just when you least expect it, their true agenda begins to surface.
Eventually, as a narcissist's true agenda begins to surface, you might be taken off guard by their sudden shift in demeanor, out of character insensitivity, passive aggressive comment, or blatant disregard for your feelings. Because they have spent so much time love bombing you and convincing you how truly amazed they...
Often times clients ask me, "How can I change the narcissist in my life?" Because I also teach about The Law of Attraction, it seems that clients sometimes get confused when it comes to blending narcissistic abuse recovery with the ideas that imply that if we can change the way we look at things, the things we look at will change. I totally understand that, which is why I felt the need to shed some light on this particular subject.
For the record, a true narcissist believes in the visions, perceptions, beliefs, desires, and needs they hold inside their mind. They generally tend to be fixated and immovable perceptions, that they are not willing to shift. In fact, they believe so strongly in the perceptions they hold of themselves and others, that penetrating their beliefs would be akin to a toddler trying to scale the Great Wall of China, barefoot, with a cinder block strapped to their back, in the dark, and surrounded by hungry wolves. What a...
Narcissistic abuse is insidious. Unlike physical abuse, there is no event per se, or outward sign that abuse has taken place. Narcissists abuse in the dark, behind closed doors and in the emotional realms. Most of the wounds they inflict are untraceable by the human eye.
If you are a love starved codependent, who, like most codependents, has suffered from attachment trauma, you will probably be immediately drawn to a narcissistic type person. Their charisma, confidence, allure, and self-assuredness can be captivating, although some narcissists can appear vulnerable instead. Many of us fall for narcissists because they appeal to our need to be accepted by someone we view as an authority. Having perhaps never felt loved by our caretakers, and thus the authorities in our lives, has left a gaping hole within our heart space that only a person with an equal vibration to the ones that caused that wound can fill.
Unconsciously, it is as if our hearts believe that only the same intellect...
A true narcissist cannot see, feel, or hear you. They are concerned with how you impact their life. They are not concerned with how they impact yours.
Narcissists are convinced mind, body, and soul that only they can be victims. They will lie, steal, cheat, defame, minimize, abuse, discard and treat others in the most inhumane ways, all the while feeling justified in their actions. They reason their abuse of others by believing that because they have been victimized, those they abuse are deserving of their tirades, psychological abuse, physical assaults, adultering ways, or thievery. Holding a narcissist accountable for any insensitive action, like showing up for dinner late, is akin to accusing them of robbing a bank. Any suggestion that the narcissist is imperfect will result in an all out battle. They are incapable of empathizing with your point of view. There will never be an "I am sorry I hurt you--or I am sorry I was not on time. I can see how disappointed you are. Please...