The life of the adult child of an alcoholic as well as for the alcoholic or any being who believes they are powerless over their current states of mind, are all living a paradox.
It is right to presume that all beings created--desire to be loved, accepted, and validated for the essence of who they are. And yet in spite of this yearning to be loved, ACoA's, alcoholics, addicts and the victims of abuse deny themselves the love they yearn.
The greatest dis-ease of man today is that man does not love self--the self that is separate from his illusion of ego.
When beings identify their worth by physical things found in the so called physical reality, man--through thought separates himself from the very thing he yearns for.
It is not possible to find the love a being searches for in a car, a home, a dress size, a business, or a bank account. It is not possible to find acceptance when that acceptance is being judged by some kind of ruler.
Acceptance just is--no matter what.
As a Life Coach, Mentor, Consultant but primarily ADVOCATE for adult children of alcoholics, I understand all too well the silent ills that can plague the mind of a being who has been conditioned to believe that the very essence of who they are--is unworthy.
Every single one of us--including YOU the entity reading and translating the little letters on this page was born perfect, worthy and yes dear one--even ENOUGH!
But what happened?
Why have so many of us gone astray?
How is it--if you and I were born worthy--that we can feel so empty and lost on the inside?
Take a deep breath, perhaps grab a cup of tea--and allow your mind to absorb the information you are about to take in. You may have to read this article and others like it many times over before the wisdom is able to be absorbed by your very tattered mind. This is not your fault. Your mind has been programmed to not only reject information about the validity of your soul--but it has been taught to NOT trust the very emotions...
This information was taken from an amazing source called Realistic Recovery.
I am not sure who the copyright owner of this Bill of Rights is--but I am going ahead and reposting it anyway to help encourage all of my readers out there--to OWN YOUR RIGHT to BE WHO YOU ARE--THE MAGNIFICENT SELF THAT YOU ARE!
To ALL Adult Children Everywhere--I bless you--I honor you--I feel you--I hear you!
Your road is a lonely one.
The abuse you have tolerated in the dark moments of your life--have left scars that are invisible to the physical eye--yet you are scarred--bruised and battered nonetheless.
Born to beings who were supposed to nurture you--adore you--and support you--instead--you have been brainwashed, manipulated, beaten, criticized, shamed, guilted, humiliated, and worse--DENIED the right to feel or own any of the suffering that was created while being abused...WTF?
Forced to live in a state of disassociation--as a means to simply survive horrific childhood experiences--adult children of alcoholics are beaten in one moment--and then expected to 'act as if' the beating never occurred.
Adding maggots to the equation--adult children are often manipulated to live their lives not only denying their personal suffering--but they too--are forced to 'act as if' mom and dad are the most wonderful...
Dear Adult Child of an Alcoholic,
Come sit beside me and rest your weary heart.
Gather all of your brothers and sisters who have had their tender hearts beaten by the earth beings who were intended to support your growth spiritually, intellectually and physically.
Open your hearts dear one and heed the vibrations of these words. Allow, allow, allow them to penetrate through the deep layers of scars that have left you feeling separate and alien even unto your own Self.
I know, I know, I know how hard your life has been.
I know, I know, I know how often you have tried to please them.
I know, I know, I know how good you are inside. I see it, I feel it--you dear one are a tired soul.
You could have never known that the people who were supposed to nurture you--were ill themselves--and detached from their own divine magnificence.
It is not your fault that the beings who were supposed to adore you, shelter you, protect you, and feed your soul were beings who were starved...
If you are the adult child of an alcoholic, there is no doubt you have suffered trauma in your life. More than likely you may even be suffering from some form of post traumatic stress disorder. When events occur in the Now, that remind you of a traumatic event from your past, it is all too easy to be pulled back into a negative spiral.
Perhaps before your father beat your mother, he would have a glass of Scotch on the rocks. Today you might tense up every time you hear ice cubes clang against the sides of a glass. You might feel anxious every time you are at dinner and you hear someone order Scotch on the rocks. And if you are experiencing any signs of angst under these circumstances, relax; you're normal.
That's right dear one...YOU ARE NORMAL!
In fact, your response is absolutely appropriate given your unique circumstances.
Your brain is so highly sophisticated that it has the ability to recall all circumstances, sounds and etc, that occur before a traumatic event occurs.
If you are an adult child of an alcoholic, or the adult child of a dysfunctional home, chances are you have a difficult time NOT taking yourself too seriously.
Why would an adult child have a difficult time not taking themselves too seriously?
We ACoA's and GCoA's and ACoD (adult children of dysfunction) very often have been the victim of criticism, psychological manipulation, emotional manipulation, physical abuse and worse.
Because our childhoods taught us to that we needed to stay on guard--so to thwart some kind of an attack, we failed to be able to let go--or allow our guards to drop.
By default, we are hyper-vigilant, fear criticism, and tend to be rigid. We fear making mistakes, laughing too loud, or coming off as silly. We fear what other people think of us, and so we cut ourselves off from opportunities to let go--be free--and to have pure unobscured FUN!
As a Life Coach, and Self Mastery Expert I hold myself personally responsible for being the type of professional...
One out of five adults have lived with an alcoholic parent in our lifetimes.
Those are alarming statistics. Here's another one.
A new report shows 7.5 million children under age 18 (10.5 percent of this population) lived with a parent who has experienced an alcohol use disorder in the past year. According to the report by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) 6.1 million of these children live with two parents—with either one or both parents experiencing an alcohol use disorder in the past year. (SAMSHA)
I cannot help but think about the consequences these facts create.
We know that one out of five, (and some argue that a closer figure is 1 out of 4) children have lived with an alcoholic parent in their lifetime, then it is time we as a nation address this issue head on in our School Systems.
Children who are being neglected, traumatized and abused at home do not have the mental capacity to focus on learning reading,...
As a Life Coach for Adult Children of Alcoholics, I am so thankful for all of my clients faith and trust in me. Because of the work I do with them, I am afforded the opportunity to craft concepts and formulas that truly help transform their old ways of thinking.
I never get tired of saying: