If it is true that energy and matter can neither be created nor destroyed--then that means that at the exact moment of the Big Bang--all that would ever be--already was--and that includes you and me.
On my usual and routine hour long drive to work yesterday morning I was struck by the brilliance of the moon--as well as the thought above.
Along my road to emotional recovery there have been many times where I have wanted to dig my heels into the mud and exclaim, "This shit ain't fair, and somebody out there owes me." But as I continued along my journey I eventually pulled my wet emotional diapers off, and learned to accept that the world didn't owe me anything.
Although learning to let go of blaming others for why I felt so crappy was not an easy thing to do, in hindsight it was the most crucial step of my recovery. Standing in defiance of self reliance--never works out. Health is not possible without self responsibility as well as self accountability.
It still amazes me to ponder the...
If you are an adult child from a dysfunctional home, whether the tool of dysfunction used was alcohol, emotional manipulation, guilt, shame or physical or sexual abuse--as an adult today, you may have a tough time getting out of your head.
Why? Why is it that so many of us who felt so pained as children have such a hard time getting ourselves involved with others in an intimate way?
So many of us struggle with intimacy today because our first experiences with love were so painful. We have been programmed and conditioned to fear being loved by others, as well as fear loving others. Our unconscious mind has us hard-wired to fear to let down our shield--the one that we can feel but cannot see--but that others can feel as well. The one that says, "It is safer to give than to expect to be given to," which of course keeps us spiritually and emotionally malnourished (unconsciously of course).
When an innocent child experiences emotional estrangement from the very beings that brought them...
When I was going through my recovery process, initially I attended 12 step programs to help me stay aware. At first I thought this was a really good idea, but the more meetings I attended the more I realized they were not for me.
Although I do firmly believe some people benefit tremendously from 12 step meetings, there are those of us who simply do not.
For all of you adult children of alcoholics, as well as grandchildren of alcoholics--and least we not forget our brothers and sisters who were born to 'dry' dysfunctional parents--this post is for you!
Coming Out Of The Closet
My mission in life is to bring as many ACoA's as well as any adult children of the dysfunctional who were born to emotional vampires--and were turned into zombies--by nonsensical parenting--out of the damn closet!
We have done nothing wrong!
Yes, certainly group meetings are intended to be safe places where attendees can share their laundry lists without the fear of other members spreading their personal...
On the road of my recovery there have been many mind bending obstacles I have had to learn to intellectually as well as emotionally conquer. Because healing codependency created through the programming my once blank slate of a mind once was as a child--as an adult--I had no way of truly grasping the fact that the thoughts and emotions I was reacting to as an adult--were dysfunctional.
When you are the pattern--you don't know you are the pattern. The ideas you had on Monday, are the same ideas you have on Tuesday--and on, and on, and on they go. As adults we ACoA's as well as all other adults born to dysfunctional parents--do not know that the ideas we have been fed, have infested our once innocent fertile minds with bullshit! No, because we have been taught to fear our emotions, we ignore our gut instincts, and often times become paralyzed emotionally because we are so terrified of unknowns.
As adults we become super sensitive and hyper vigilant because those of us who were bigger...
When your parent is an alcoholic, drug addict, narcissist, or emotional manipulator of some kind--their main agenda is get their own needs met. YOU as their child--on a heart level--do not feel validated. Instead, you feel wrong, ill, inept, tainted, unworthy, broken, and in the way.
Children are born seeking outside of themselves for love, acceptance and validation; which is why when a mother gives birth to a child--the tiny little being does not jump off of the delivery table and begin walking down the hospital hall and out into the world on its own. No--we human beings come into this time space reality needing--and wait for it--DESERVING of...
If you have found yourself reading this article, then more than likely you are struggling with possibly identifying with issues associated with your perception of what it is to be codependent or what codependency is.
If you are like I was when I first began toying with the idea that maybe 'I had a problem--since I was the common denominator' at the root of all my dysfunctional relationships, I was overwhelmed by the information I found. What confused me the most was, my parents were not addicts or alcoholics. I remember thinking, 'Codependency is for people who are in love with drug addicts--or who were raised by drug addicts--and neither my parents nor my spouse at the time drank or did drugs-so how can I possibly be codependent?'
This was my greatest stumbling block, and had I understood what codependency really was I would not have wasted so much time denying that I possibly could actually be codependent.
Okay--enough belly aching...
To ALL Adult Children Everywhere--I bless you--I honor you--I feel you--I hear you!
Your road is a lonely one.
The abuse you have tolerated in the dark moments of your life--have left scars that are invisible to the physical eye--yet you are scarred--bruised and battered nonetheless.
Born to beings who were supposed to nurture you--adore you--and support you--instead--you have been brainwashed, manipulated, beaten, criticized, shamed, guilted, humiliated, and worse--DENIED the right to feel or own any of the suffering that was created while being abused...WTF?
Forced to live in a state of disassociation--as a means to simply survive horrific childhood experiences--adult children of alcoholics are beaten in one moment--and then expected to 'act as if' the beating never occurred.
Adding maggots to the equation--adult children are often manipulated to live their lives not only denying their personal suffering--but they too--are forced to 'act as if' mom and dad are the most wonderful...
If you are the adult child of an alcoholic, there is no doubt you have suffered trauma in your life. More than likely you may even be suffering from some form of post traumatic stress disorder. When events occur in the Now, that remind you of a traumatic event from your past, it is all too easy to be pulled back into a negative spiral.
Perhaps before your father beat your mother, he would have a glass of Scotch on the rocks. Today you might tense up every time you hear ice cubes clang against the sides of a glass. You might feel anxious every time you are at dinner and you hear someone order Scotch on the rocks. And if you are experiencing any signs of angst under these circumstances, relax; you're normal.
That's right dear one...YOU ARE NORMAL!
In fact, your response is absolutely appropriate given your unique circumstances.
Your brain is so highly sophisticated that it has the ability to recall all circumstances, sounds and etc, that occur before a traumatic event occurs.
Die to the old,
Be born to the new,
For the kingdom of heaven,
Is within you.
Resurrect your mind,
Transcend the old,
You Are a Soul.
Forget what they taught you,
They could never have known,
That your birthright was,
To live your life from a throne.
Yes Dear One, you have been battered,
And you have been bruised,
And the things about you,
Have you feeling confused.
Dear One Know this,
Your DNA is coded for rebirth,
Yes it is true,
Heaven can be found here on earth.
Your life has tainted your mind,
Your life and others too,
Have you feeling unworthy,
And lost are you.
Look within star seed,
Connect to your source,
Close the gap,
And get back on course.
Leave others behind,
If they fail to believe,
That all born,
Are worthy to receive.
Many teachers have come,
To share the great news,
That life is LIGHT,
And that each being gets to choose.