There is nothing that upsets me or excites me more than an adult child of an alcoholic, or an adult child of a dysfunctional home who is on the cusp of being able to comprehend that he/she is NOT her thoughts.
When you are born to parents who cannot SEE you, who cannot HEAR you, who are unaware at how self absorbed they are--in relation to you--YOU never learn to be comfortable in your own skin. Because it is the absolute responsibility of the parent to instill within a child a sense of unconditional love and acceptance--children are not born knowing how to love self. In fact, children learn about their worth or lack of through their relationships with parents. If the parents are dysfunctional, then so will be the messages the child receives about self, others, the world, relationships and love.
As a Life Coach I have had to learn how to detach from the emotions that well up within me whenever a client opens up their heart and bestows me the honor of stepping inside their temple of...
If you are an adult child from a dysfunctional home, whether the tool of dysfunction used was alcohol, emotional manipulation, guilt, shame or physical or sexual abuse--as an adult today, you may have a tough time getting out of your head.
Why? Why is it that so many of us who felt so pained as children have such a hard time getting ourselves involved with others in an intimate way?
So many of us struggle with intimacy today because our first experiences with love were so painful. We have been programmed and conditioned to fear being loved by others, as well as fear loving others. Our unconscious mind has us hard-wired to fear to let down our shield--the one that we can feel but cannot see--but that others can feel as well. The one that says, "It is safer to give than to expect to be given to," which of course keeps us spiritually and emotionally malnourished (unconsciously of course).
When an innocent child experiences emotional estrangement from the very beings that brought them...
On the road of my recovery there have been many mind bending obstacles I have had to learn to intellectually as well as emotionally conquer. Because healing codependency created through the programming my once blank slate of a mind once was as a child--as an adult--I had no way of truly grasping the fact that the thoughts and emotions I was reacting to as an adult--were dysfunctional.
When you are the pattern--you don't know you are the pattern. The ideas you had on Monday, are the same ideas you have on Tuesday--and on, and on, and on they go. As adults we ACoA's as well as all other adults born to dysfunctional parents--do not know that the ideas we have been fed, have infested our once innocent fertile minds with bullshit! No, because we have been taught to fear our emotions, we ignore our gut instincts, and often times become paralyzed emotionally because we are so terrified of unknowns.
As adults we become super sensitive and hyper vigilant because those of us who were bigger...
When your parent is an alcoholic, drug addict, narcissist, or emotional manipulator of some kind--their main agenda is get their own needs met. YOU as their child--on a heart level--do not feel validated. Instead, you feel wrong, ill, inept, tainted, unworthy, broken, and in the way.
Children are born seeking outside of themselves for love, acceptance and validation; which is why when a mother gives birth to a child--the tiny little being does not jump off of the delivery table and begin walking down the hospital hall and out into the world on its own. No--we human beings come into this time space reality needing--and wait for it--DESERVING of...
This information was taken from an amazing source called Realistic Recovery.
I am not sure who the copyright owner of this Bill of Rights is--but I am going ahead and reposting it anyway to help encourage all of my readers out there--to OWN YOUR RIGHT to BE WHO YOU ARE--THE MAGNIFICENT SELF THAT YOU ARE!
To ALL Adult Children Everywhere--I bless you--I honor you--I feel you--I hear you!
Your road is a lonely one.
The abuse you have tolerated in the dark moments of your life--have left scars that are invisible to the physical eye--yet you are scarred--bruised and battered nonetheless.
Born to beings who were supposed to nurture you--adore you--and support you--instead--you have been brainwashed, manipulated, beaten, criticized, shamed, guilted, humiliated, and worse--DENIED the right to feel or own any of the suffering that was created while being abused...WTF?
Forced to live in a state of disassociation--as a means to simply survive horrific childhood experiences--adult children of alcoholics are beaten in one moment--and then expected to 'act as if' the beating never occurred.
Adding maggots to the equation--adult children are often manipulated to live their lives not only denying their personal suffering--but they too--are forced to 'act as if' mom and dad are the most wonderful...
Any adult child of an alcoholic has heard, watched and believed enough B/S to last a lifetime. From excuses like, "I am not drunk. I just haven't had enough sleep lately," to "Your father isn't drunk. He's just really tired from working so hard" to a plethora of other comments, we children from denial based homes have the ability to spot a lie from one thousand yards.
On a vibrational level we knew when we were being lied to when we were four, and when someone is trying to bullsh** us now, we know it too. But the problem we adult children of alcoholics have is, we do not have the skills that allow us to deal with the lies, and the bullsh** appropriately. Many of us know we are being lied to, or deceived, but we do not know what to do about it when it is happening in the moment.
Here are a few tips I would like to share with you to help you be able to more readily take care of your inner self when you become aware that you are being abused by a liar who is essentially trying to...