Often times clients ask me, "How can I change the narcissist in my life?" Because I also teach about The Law of Attraction, it seems that clients sometimes get confused when it comes to blending narcissistic abuse recovery with the ideas that imply that if we can change the way we look at things, the things we look at will change. I totally understand that, which is why I felt the need to shed some light on this particular subject.
This coming Thursday, May 25th, 2017 at 6:00 p.m. eastern standard time, I will be hosting a live free webinar.
I will be introducing The 12-Week Breakthrough Coaching Program and answering your questions live.
This webinar should last approximately one-hour, but because I can be long-winded, (ha--no kidding) I cannot promise that I will not go over the hour.
You must register to attend.
I cannot promise that I will answer all the questions posed but I promise to do my best.
For those of us who grew up in dysfunctional homes, we may have not understood at the time that we were being brainwashed to think and feel the way our parents did. When we were small, the soil that was our fertile, innocent, virgin subconscious minds were being downloaded with all sorts of weeds. If our parents were racists, feared spending money, or spoke poorly about those in different religions, as adults we must begin to understand that childhood rearing is in fact indoctrination.
It is probably one of the most emotionally challenging things to do as a human being who loves another human being. Setting boundaries with those we love can be difficult and anxiety provoking. So how do we know when we should set a boundary with someone we love?
It is certainly a complicated question and it has helped me to develop a certain protocol around boundary setting with people I love. It is not always fail proof, but having some type of concrete plan has helped me feel less anxious when put in a difficult spot by someone I care about.
When I walked into my therapy appointment for the first time, I was seriously doubting my sanity. At the same time I was also obsessing about the self-doubt I felt about being in therapy at all. I was ingrained to believe that self-care was a form of selfishness. It was only because I was so desperate I went at all. Migraines, rashes, hair loss, eczema, and severe asthma were all killing me slowly. I knew in my heart my unhappy marriage was a key to why I was falling apart and seeking therapy felt very much like my last hope.
On Mother's Day of this year, my mother suffered another stroke. The hematoma on her brain has caused her to also begin experiencing seizures. Along with each seizure her heart has stopped each time. All of this is on top of her dementia diagnosis.
Anyone who has every been abused by a narcissist will tell you it is a maddening experience. First of all, narcissists can appear to be exactly what we have been looking for our entire lives. They can be charming, alluring, inquisitive, curious, gentle, kind, considerate, wise, capable, strong, independent, charismatic, and they can even appear to have empathy. Well, at least they can present with these wonderful characteristics when we first meet them. When you are dealing with a narcissist, you are dealing with a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type of a personality.
For most of my life, I struggled with self-worth. I did not truly believe I was worthy of love, understanding, acceptance, kindness, or appreciation. In the back of my mind was a core belief that sounded something like, "Nobody really likes you or loves you. You're not good. You're not smart. You're not pretty. You're not funny. Why would anyone want to love you? It's your job to prove to others you are good enough and when they finally say that you are good enough, then maybe you will be.
For many on the spiritual path, it is just a matter of time before we happen upon the law of attraction. It seems inevitable for those of us who seek deep meaning to life, to eventually discover the desire to understand how the universe really works and what laws are at play. We wish to understand, so that we can better help ourselves create the most out of our life experiences while here in our physical bodies. On some logical level, we all understand that the day will come when each of us shall perish. Well, at least our physical bodies will perish.