When I did not know I was externally focused and detached from the self, I felt like I was going crazy. I kept doing for others what I thought a 'good' person should do, and yet, within me, I felt lonelier and grew angrier as time went on.
I had no idea I was unconscious and living my life below a gossamer veil, through an ego that had no other choice but to run on auto-pilot. I had no awareness of authentic self-awareness and like a puppy, I spent my days seeking a pat on the head, or the right to go for a walk outside.
Hell yes, I was angry, frustrated, and resentful. I lived with someone who felt like he was superior to me and that I absolutely SHOULD cater, fawn, and subjugate my needs for his. Like a hand in a glove, my unconsciousness felt like a perfect fit for someone who was as unconscious as I was, and who needed to covertly control our relationship, in spite of how big my mouth was.
Codependents complain, but they rarely end toxic relationships. In most cases, it is because we simply don't know how to do so. In some cases, we have done such a great job pretending we are happy with our partners, we are too embarrassed, to tell the truth. We have strangled ourselves with our own need to control what other people think about us while seeking their unneeded approval and validation.
If you are codependent, it is time to wake the hell up because Dear One, you were born enough. The MOST IMPORTANT relationship you can have is the one you nurture with the SELF!